Yes, the old age pension has been pushed up by close to 70% increase. Nowhere in the world do people get that kind of increase unless they are politicians. A whopping 70%! I hope my Math is right. Expecting people to stay the same after getting more money? That's like expecting a mouse to ignore a slab of cheese—it’s just not happening. Suddenly, ordinary folks become ‘experts’ on luxury living. The granny who used to say, ‘Why pay for coffee when I can make it at home?’ is now lounging in a café sipping a P60 cappuccino, while posting selfies with captions like, ‘Life’s too short for bad vibes and cheap coffee.’ Yes, money changes people – even retirees. The country now feels like an auction house, with retirees one-upping each other on how they'll spend their ‘fortune’. ‘I'm buying a car!’ one would say. ‘Oh, I’m getting two cars—and a golden trailer!’ another one would reply.
Meanwhile, the usually frugal retiree would announce, ‘I’m finally upgrading from boxed alcohol to the canned type!’ The golden years just got a whole lot more competitive. The pension is so generous; some elderly folks are considering starting their own businesses. I hear 'Granny's Wrinkled Wisdom Wares’ is about to become the next big thing in the SMME landscape. With this extra cash, expect a surge attendance and a fierce competition for the grandstand tickets at Zebras matches. Don’t rule out a rush of seniors at the electronics store, each shouting, ‘I finally want a flat-screen TV bigger than my cataracts! You can also expect the phrase 'it's on me' to take on a whole new, terrifyingly expensive meaning. Retirees’ staple food consists of starch, protein and vegetables. That is if you are lucky to get wrinkled, about-to-go-bad vegetables here in Botswana – a country now suffering from a severe shortage of vegetables. Now, it could turn out to be a buffet with dishes they can't even pronounce with tiny little flags on toothpicks. Phrases that have long been flushed out of their lexicon like ‘keep change’ have suddenly and quickly made their way back. There is a downside to this though. Suddenly, every relative you've ever met is showing up for 'tea and biscuits' with a suspiciously keen interest in your retiree's financial well-being.
