It is a cancerous evil that threatens to consume and put many an African country asunder. We are no exception and despite the sometimes flattering indices Botswana is right there in the mix. Someone once defined corruption as the art of turning public service into a lucrative side hustle. Yet another one called it the fine art of making personal gain appear to be in the public interest. However you define it the bottom-line is that it is an art and some are more skillful and adept at it more than others. They're the pirates of the national coffers, always on the lookout for treasure, even if it means plundering the national treasury. These corrupt people are like little sneaky kids with a sweet tooth always trying to get their hands on the cookies before they get caught.
Corruption got so bad that it pushed tenderpreneurs into the corrupreneurs’ zone. The morphing happened quicker than a cat batting a dangling toy. Tenderpreneurs decided that tenderpreneuring was slower than a tortoise waddling through peanut butter and decided to procure more oil and grease to lubricate the whole system turning instantly into corrupreneurs. That way they will be able to land multiple tenders from corrupt officers with bewildered bank accounts and deputy sheriffs breathing down their necks.
The corrupreneurs have developed thick Corruption Manuals which are definitive guides to corruption. A sneak peak into some of the chapters contained in such a manual looks something like this Chapter 1: The Art of the Subtle Bribe 1.1. Accidentally "drop" a briefcase overflowing with cash near the decision-maker's desk. 1.2. The Charitable Donation: "Donate" generously to the politician's favorite charity. Chapter 2: "The "I'm Just a Humble Servant" Act": Maintain a public image of selflessness while secretly lining your pockets. Chapter 3: The Bribe Bible 3.1. What and Who to bribe and when. 3.2. Gift ideas: From the classic wad of cash to exotic vacations. Chapter 4: Public Relations 4.1. Turning Scandal Into Sympathy. ‘I am just a victim of circumstance’ 4.2. The Blame Game: When things go south, blame it on ‘rogue contractors’ or ‘faulty paperwork.’ Chapter 5: Avoiding Detection 5.1. Investing in a Really Good Accountant 5.2. Wiping Hard Drives When you meet a corrupreneur he will tell you to work hard so you can afford the lap of luxury he’s living in.
But we hear more of give people money so you get jobs – lucrative jobs and tenders. One day I was mingling with some high-profile guests at a cocktail party. Among the crowd, I spotted a well-dressed individual with an air of confidence. Let's call him Mr Corrupt. I struck up a conversation with him and he immediately started bragging about his "success" in business. I raised an eyebrow, intrigued but cautious. Before long he had told me about his fleet, the number of houses he had, the schools his children went to, the number of vacations he has in a year. Initially this exchange had started as some sort of dialogue but it quickly morphed into a monologue with Mr Corrupt whipping out his phone and showing me a whole album of pictures of his family holiday in the Maldives – a place I had only seen in marketing brochures. I decided to play along and finally asked, ‘So, what's your secret? Do you have a magic wand?’ Mr. Corrupt chuckled and replied, ‘Oh, no need for a wand. I have the right connections.’ At this point, I am trying hard not to laugh at the sheer audacity of this person. I nodded and said, ‘Sounds like you could teach Mr Brink a thing or two!’. Mr. Corrupt beamed with pride, completely missing the sarcasm in my voice. As the conversation wrapped up, I couldn’t help but feel like I've just met a character straight out of a comedy sketch.
Mr. Corrupt then walked away, leaving me with a mix of amusement and disbelief at his shameless antics. Sometimes, the best way to handle a corrupt person is to let them reveal their own ridiculousness. And hey, at least you got a story out of it! The moral of this whimsical tale? Sometimes, the only way to deal with corruption is to bring it out of the shadows. Remember, it’s all in good fun, but the reality of corruption is no laughing matter. (For comments, feedback and insults email [email protected]) Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses.
Contact him on 74447920 or email [email protected]
