' In simpler terms: it might flood. That is what that jargon meant. When the weatherman say “flood,” we all know it is time to take him/her more seriously unlike when he/she says ‘fine but partly cloudy’. Last time out many paid the ultimate price for taking the weatherman lightly. The result; bathroom towels officially retired as mop replacements, less 'plush' and more 'squish' carpets, interesting insurance claims like ‘house damaged because it decided to take a dip’ etc. Remember the water surged through the streets like a crowd of Zebras supporters after a last-minute winning goal.
It was like the flood was on a mission to give everyone free swimming lessons, whether they wanted them or not. Most of us do not know how to respond to floods except trying to try to sweep water out of your house or post a ‘situation right now, flood things’ picture. So any guide that purports to help people deal with floods is welcome in our neck of the woods. This week we attempt to put together a flood survival kit. I have decided to avoid using ‘An Idiot’s Guide....’ because basically such guides will only be read by idiots. Admittedly, this type though forms 90% of the population but I also wanted to include the 10%, if you get my point. The 10%, which would have been excluded by such a title, is equally important.
My flood survival plan involves three key steps: 1. Locate the highest point in the house (probably the roof).
2. Bring snacks (biltong is essential).
3. Wait for the water to politely recede or for someone with a flotation device and a good sense of humour to swing by.
This plan is not patented though so you can copy it. Just replace the biltong with a snack of your choice. Please avoid DIY Rafts. Sure, a couch tied to a bunch of inflated Hilux tubes sounds creative, but you’re not auditioning for Botswana’s Craziest Rafts and Crafts. Beware of shallow water. Ever seen a superhero trip on a puddle? No? Well, don’t be the first. I think the Honda Fit owners too must take heed of this advice. The flotation abilities of this vehicle are still questionable because this was the last thing on the mind of the manufacturer but it seemingly developed more capabilities as soon as it hit our shores. So, yes it has low-key amphibious abilities but the rage of the previous floods must have delivered due warning. You must also learn wave etiquette. If you pass someone paddling, wave (pun intended) in solidarity.
You’re all in the same boat—or not literally, but you get it. Laugh, If Possible. Humour won’t keep you dry, but it might stop you from totally losing it. Humour helps keep your spirits above water—where they should stay! Unless if you're drowning. In that case, those swimming lessons might be more effective! (For comments, feedback and insults email [email protected]) Thulaganyo Jankey is a training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email [email protected].
