It contains the collective wisdom of every parliamentarian who's ever worn it. Or maybe just a lot of hairspray. I don’t know and frankly I don’t ever want to know. I suspect it's actually a sophisticated surveillance device. It's listening to everything. Isn't it fascinating that parliamentary tradition still sticks with this equestrian-inspired headpiece? It's as if the speaker is saying, ‘I not only herd debates, but I'm also ready to trot into a jousting match at a moment's notice!’ There was a hair product line called Black Like Me and apparently it was designed specifically for black people’s hair. Apparently it is so good, it should be in the hair care hall of fame. Or at least on the 'most flammable substances' list. Most local heads have a complicated relationship with these hair sprays. It's a love-hate thing. Mostly hate, from the local scalp's perspective. One wonders whether these products will work so well with this blonde wig. I doubt.
In parliament an interjection like ‘point of order’ can escalate to no teeth and the speaker - together with his horsehair wig - can quell such in the blink of an eye. I am talking about serious parliaments as you creep up the continent where not only should parliamentarians be skilled in speaking but also have a healthy level of boxing skills and martial arts in their repertoire. Unlike here at home where most parliamentarians don’t even have a white belt in ratho, the most basic form of martial arts.
Our new speaker’s other name is Sticks and he has bucked the trend. So essentially there’s no horse hair on Sticks. He did try and we must appreciate the effort. I suspect initially he was wondering whether he is the one wearing the wig or the wig is wearing him. As it got more and more toasty given that GC is the heat capital of Southern Africa he must have then decided if that thing doesn’t have air conditioning he’s getting rid of it.
So one day we woke up to a speaker without horse hair. The trauma! The intrigue! It’s equal parts thrilling and unsettling. Like swapping Sunday braai for sushi—a modern twist that makes you go, ‘Well, I didn’t see that coming, but I guess this is our life now.’ And let’s not forget the die-hard traditionalists in the corner, whispering, ‘This would’ve never happened in my day!’ But hey, if traditions didn’t evolve, we’d still be communicating through cave paintings. And I’ve got to say, emojis are way more efficient. What’s your take—embrace the change or mourn the good ol’ days?
(For comments, feedback and insults email [email protected]) Thulaganyo Jankey is a Rapporteur and training consultant who runs his own training consultancy that provides training in BQA- accredited courses. His other services include registering consultancies with BQA and developing training courses. Contact him on 74447920 or email [email protected]
