So really, the suit is just humanity’s long-running attempt to look intimidating, fashionable, and slightly uncomfortable—all at once. This week, a minister’s suit was the subject of a not-so-intense debate in Parliament. One Member of Parliament suggested my MP’s suit has somehow resulted in aesthetically unappealing houses by the local housing authority. Apparently, when you wear a suit like that, you have a series of bad aesthetic choices. This has not been scientifically proven. But who needs scientific proof in the midst of such world anarchy? But let’s cut him some slack. When an MP steps out in a ‘funny’ suit, it’s rarely a deliberate attempt at comedy. It is usually the result of a man who has been told he has ‘approachable charisma’ by a tailor who is secretly an anarchist. The MP in question, whose suit was being castigated, is a trendsetter who is setting trends that the public is refusing to follow. What are the chances that any feeling, thinking human can latch onto a fashion trend that includes wearing a suit that is basically a graph pad? Some members in the august house have not been successful in Math in high school, and suits that look like graph pads are a grim reminder of those bad old Math days. I have observed quite a few suits in parliament that have their own sad tales to tell. Parliament seems like a suit conference.
Parliament isn’t just about laws—it’s about who can look the most uncomfortable in wool and cloth while pretending to be dignified. Below are some of my observations. One MP who is a friend (prepare to be jealous - I do have friends in high places) wears these new fashionable slim-fit suits. The jacket is usually so tight that the buttons are screaming for a ceasefire. Basically, he looks like a sausage that is about to give a very important speech on infrastructure. A single deep breath during a heated parliamentary debate could launch a button at the Opposition Leader with the velocity of a small-caliber bullet. So this suit basically doubles as artillery for the MP. MPs don’t choose suits, suits choose them... and usually the wrong ones. I once saw an MP clad in a suit that is neither brown, nor yellow, nor grey, but the exact color of a filing cabinet in a basement. He looked more like a man who had merged biologically with parliament furniture. If he stands still for more than thirty seconds, other MPs might start trying to stack folders on his shoulders. MPs are loaded with smarts, though. Whenever they are ridiculed for their fashion sense, they might make claims that the suit was hand-woven by an industrious youth constituent using wool from a sheep reared in their constituency. He will spin it as his way of supporting local industry. In fact, he will say he wants to encourage the esteemed house to do likewise.
