My grades at school were mostly c+ or lower regardless of how much I studied. My now deceased father was particularly hard on me, whenever he was drunk it would get worse. He would angrily shout at me and repeatedly tell me how I was wasting his money and that he was fruitlessly paying for my school fees. Moreover, that I was ‘stupid’ and a ‘ninconpoop’ who failed to get his razor-sharp intellectual prowess.
I could write a book about a litany of hurtful utterances he has relayed to me as a result of him thinking that I am a loser because of my lack of academic giftedness. Don’t get me wrong, I love my late dad and appreciate all the great deeds he has executed for me and my family. Though I am now independent and rake in a reasonably impressive sum from my legitimate hustles, I deeply and constantly feel inadequate. I perpetually feel like a loser. Many a time the words of my deceased father cut through my soul like a knife; it is as if the words were proffered a second back. Sometimes I even fall into serious bouts of depression. I mostly smoke and drink a lot to assuage my emotional turmoil birthed from childhood. Kindly advice.
