Men are either not properly scrubbed, laugh too loud or eat with their mouths open. Women have so many things that they feel men need a software update for. From the wardrobe disaster of owning three shirts (one for weddings, one for funerals and one for everything else) to the ‘I’ll Fix It’ Delusion where there’s a promise to fix that leaky tap but after three weeks the tap still leaks. Now with added dramatic sound effects to bewildered drawers that contain expired batteries, loose screws, a Sagem phone from 2003 complete with a Vista simcard and emotional detachment it is clear men do need a woman’s touch and advice. So this past week my wife decided my face looks like a failed attempt to put out a veld fire and promptly put me on a skin care routine. It is not that I didn’t have a skin care routine, just that mine wouldn’t do anymore. Far from it! I have an old tried and tested (now rendered questionable by the wife) skin routine that has served me well for ages. My routine is to take a face cloth, soap it, scrub my face, dry it and apply lotion. This is how I managed to attain that glow that you see whenever we meet. If we’ve met and you don’t see any glow I will advise you to eat my carrots to boost your fading sight. However, according to my wife, this glow is fading faster than Blackberry relevance in a sea of iPhones —clicking away in quiet desperation. I was introduced to a set of five bottles. Five! I stared at the five bottles on the sink like they’re part of a chemistry final. Cleanser, toner, serum, moisturiser, SPF... Is this skincare or sorcery? All this is going to be sucked into my skin on a daily.
I cautioned my skin to toughen up. This was going to be one heaven of a ride. I applied the cleanser with the aggression of someone trying to erase bad decisions. It felt like I was scrubbing sins off my face.
