Amongst the plethora of complexities that cause or worsen gender-based violence (GBV), a lack of appreciation on the biological differences between males and females in intimate relationships is of some magnitude.
The three main needs of a woman are love, affection and conversation. Women are more relationally oriented than men, which is why females tend to have more friends in comparison than males. Moreover, women tend to be more emotional than men; they are more expressive and transparent with their feelings.
In juxtaposition with men, women have a propensity to conceal their plans for the future. Women mostly build their worth around relationships i.e. kids, male partners, extended family and friends. As for men, their three greatest needs are respect, sex and recreational companionship. Furthermore, men are inclined to be more logical than women.
In most instances men feel the same joys and pains that women feel but express such to a much lower degree in contrast with women. It is noteworthy to mention that a man’s personality, upbringing and emotional intelligence to some extent determine their measure of expressiveness.
In addition most men are prone to retreating (in comparison to women) to their inner shell several times; a period where they just need silence either to relax or reflect. An indicator for men’s need for silence during leisure time can most likely be evidenced by a group of male buddies playing or watching sports quietly and going home feeling rejuvenated and refreshed afterwards. Men also tend to build their worth around their work.
A lack of understanding on the differences between men and women can cause or exacerbate GBV at times. For example; a man may be loving, hardworking and faithful yet still deprive his partner attention by failing to consistently create quality time for their relationship thus denying the woman her need for conversation, love and affection. The compound effect of this could make the woman bitter and insecure her partner’s love. Consequently, she may end up abusing her husband emotionally or economically depending on her personality and beliefs.
Due to the fact that women tend to mostly build their worth around relationships, it is usually harder for them to leave abusive relationships if there is nothing that their worth is anchored on apart from intimate relationships.
As already stated, one of men’s main needs is sex. This should not be interpreted to mean that women do not desire sex too, they do but in most instances men have a higher libido than women. Research shows that marital rape, which is a form of GBV, is prevalent in some Christian marriages because women from certain Christian circles are raised to generally consider sex (and not just pre – marital sex) as unholy.
This is in spite of the fact that such women may have been groomed by religion to be great wives in other aspects of marriage outside the sexual arena. The ungodliness of carnal knowledge ingrained in their sub consciousness therefore causes them to consider sex as a tool for procreation and nothing more. As a result of the parties’ failure to reach a sexual middle ground in the marriage, some men if emotionally undeveloped may end up raping or cheating on their female partners so as to satisfy their need for conjugal rights.
Since men mostly build their worth around their work, some men tend to emotionally and physically abuse their wives when they have financial challenges if there is nothing that they can lean their worth on besides financial stability.
Conclusively, GBV is a violation of human rights that may in some instances be cured or prevented by a comprehension and tolerance of the distinctive needs and differences of males and females in intimate relationships. Though men and women are equal in the eyes of the law, equality does not mean sameness or negate dissimilarities between genders. The disparities between males and females in intimate relationships ought to be celebrated and used to complement and not abuse each partner’s completeness. *Gaone Monau is a practicing attorney and motivational speaker. For bookings on gender based violence awareness seminars or motivational talks on relationships, confidence building, stress management and self-discovery contact 74542732 or [email protected] Her facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone