But this week, one of our sprinters decided to add a little extra ‘kick’ to their stride—by borrowing chemistry from the pharmacy aisle. Yes, the nation’s latest sports headline isn’t about medals, but about molecules. And what molecules they were! Forget the humble and innocent proteins of beef stew or the natural sugars of morula wine—this was the kind of chemistry that makes lab technicians sigh, shake their heads, and say, ‘Really? You thought this was a vitamin?’ Some intimate that the athlete’s training regime now reads like a pharmacy shopping list: sprint drills, weight training and a suspiciously enthusiastic relationship with ‘supplements.’ Our national performance enhancer is pap and beef stew. But apparently, that wasn’t enough. Somewhere between training laps and protein shakes, this runner decided to experiment with substances that promised speed.
He is now suspended, disgraced, and now immortalised in the hall of fame of bad decisions and he has given us all something to argue about. Testing positive for a banned substance is sports-speak for ‘they ran faster than the rules and his legs allow’ for those of you who don’t know. So they told him to go home and keep as far away from the racetrack and everything that looks, sounds, tastes and smells like a starting pistol.
