The challenge of getting men to be friends

In his book, “Buddy System: Understanding Male Friendships,” Geoffrey L. Greif writes that the significant difference between male friendships and their female counterparts is that men have shoulder-to-shoulder relationships while women have face-to-face relationships. To him, this means that men prefer to share an activity (e.g. a sport, a hobby, socializing, or training) with their male friends as it is not necessary to reveal themselves and their feelings or to connect without inhibitions, in that context. Differently, writes Greif, women prefer to share real intimacy (in other words, they share themselves and their vulnerability) with their female friends. They also tend to have deep, meaningful and long lasting female friendships, sometimes even able to keep friends from childhood up to their own children’s school years. To me, a non expert in these matters, this is a difference between the requirements and expectations needed for relationships within the sexes. It is also a difference between the gradients - a difference that makes it seem reflexively hard for men to initiate, form and nurture male friendships easily than it is for women and for their friendships.