Of Compatibility & Love Relationships 3

This article is a worthy continuance of the former. Should A and B severe the ties of their love and break up OR should they bolster the ties of their love and get married? What is the yardstick of compatibility in a relationship?

Sometimes incompatibility springs from; personality clashes, varying communication styles, conventional/unconventional way of doing things, different love languages etc. This worthy continuance purports to highlight incompatibilities that may perpetually domicile the worlds of lovers albeit the parties being compatible. These are irreconcilabilities that can be customarily managed and not completely cured in a romance. The most fitting couple may occasionally be at loggerheads due to personality clashes. The introvert may find the extrovert too aggressive and loud at times whlist the extrovert may occasionally whine about introvert’s softness and lack of fire. The strong personality may also decry their partner’s shaky backbone whereas the flexible personality may disparage their sweetheart’s rigidity and narrow mindedness. Interestingly, strong personalities sometimes collide due to the profundity and rigidity of their philosophies. Our styles of communication styles convey natural/learned responses we invoke during hours of conflict or personal differences. Communication styles may include; passive, passive aggressive, aggressive, assertive etc. The passive communicator predominantly adheres to the demands of their darling even when it continually suppresses their needs and stifles their own voice.

The passive aggressive communicator may give their bae silent treatment or the cold shoulder whenever they feel upset or unheard. Passive aggressive individuals may also withdraw from their beloveds without uttering a word if they are displeased or incensed.

The aggressive communicator often commandingly states their views and expects compliance. As for the assertive communicator, they express their needs and views measuredly with clarity, if need be, without being domineering.


Ideally, we all ought to be assertive communicators. Nonetheless, that is not always an absolute reality in the real world. It is therefore vital to fathom, effectively handle our communication styles and learn assertiveness at an individual and collective level as we traverse the terrain of love. We are all uniquely fashioned; some humans are natural conformists and effortlessly stick to rules. Some are contrarian by temperament and often act in unconventional ways that challenge the status quo and break rules when they deem it fit to do so. The conformist is ever safe and conforming in their approach to life. Nevertheless, they may sometimes betray themselves and their deepest noble beliefs in the name of conformity. In contrast, the contrarian may fall into adversity now and then on account of swimming against the tide. However, they may have a greater measure of personal fulfillment as they have the clout to live out their deepest and worthiest convictions even if it ruffles feathers and sets tongues wagging.

According to Gary Chapman, there are five love languages namely; words of affirmation, acts of service, physical touch, quality time and receiving gifts. Our dominant love language is what palpitates our heart with ecstasy the most when receiving love from our baes. The darling who values words of affirmation feels chiefly loved when their sweetul constantly praises them and says sweet nothings. The lover whose heart leaps with joy unspeakable because of acts of service feels incredibly loved when their partner serves them e.g aids them with household chores, occasionally drives them around to run errands even when they have a fully functional car or cars e.t.c. For the sweetful who experiences the apex of love because of quality time, they feel most adored when their beloved showers them undivided attention without obstruction from the tv, cell or any external factors. The lover of physical touch’s essence raptures with bliss overflow when their sweetheart constantly hugs, holds, touches and kisses them e.t.c. The receiving of gifts love language depicts someone who feels most treasured and cherished when granted gifts. Even gifts as small as a snack, chocolate or lollypop delightfully shake and quake this type of lover to the brim.

The most well-suited partners may on occasion feel unloved due to the scarcity of their love language from their lover. It is therefore paramount to identify and learn each other’s dominant love languages. It is also vital that we learn how to receive love in the language our partners’ express; for even if they converse in our love language fluently, they may still voice love in another/other languages as a consequence of their natural constitution. The subsequent piece will be a legitimate layer of this one.

• Gaone Monau is a Practicing attorney and Motivational speaker. For bookings on gender-based violence awareness seminars, motivational talks or consultations on relationships, confidence building, stress management and self-discovery contact +26774542732 or [email protected] Her Facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone.

Editor's Comment
Welcome to the new look The Monitor

This is a culmination of nine months of work by a dedicated team which comprised journalists, designers and marketers. The repositioning and redesign of The Monitor could not have come at a more appropriate time.The newspaper became of age last year when it turned 21 years old! It was first launched in February 2000 earning it the nick name “The Millennium Newspaper”. Twenty-two years later the media landscape, especially print, has changed...

Have a Story? Send Us a tip
arrow up