Men Let’s Treat Our Women With Love!
My husband, Percy Thaba, is writing today’s column:
Last week my wife wrote about the Biblical role of a wife. We praise God that she received a lot of positive feedback. Not surprisingly, the overwhelming majority of those who loved the article were men.
She also received some negative feedback from some who were not happy about her suggesting that a woman would submit to a man. They assumed that to submit to me would mean to “subject herself to the overbearing leadership of a man”. If you did not read that article, I suggest you go to the Mmegi website and look it up by searching “Ashley Thaba”. Every article she has written will come up, including that one. I am notably biased, but it was well written, encouraging, practical and thought provoking.
Before I go into the role of a husband, can I just say for anyone who knows my wife, they will know that she is anything, but a wife who has “subjected herself to being controlled” by me as her husband. On the contrary she is free to express herself and she uses her gifts, talents and skills on a daily basis with my full support as her number one fan.
Now let’s talk about the role of a man. Batswana men, it is time we rise up and treat our women with the love and respect they deserve! Ephesians 5:25 teaches that our love towards our wives should be the same one Christ has for the church. How much does Christ love the church? So much that He died for her. In the security of this kind of sacrificial and selfless love, it is easy for the wife to submit to her husband.
We cannot hide behind things like “they are not submitting to us” when we are not loving them like Christ loved the church – selflessly and sacrificially giving of ourselves in order to take care of them.
We can’t expect the Biblical wisdom to apply to them in the context of marriage and not to ourselves. That is hypocritical and short sighted. Marriage is meant to be a gift and God gives us an equation for how that works. There are roles in marriage, but that doesn’t mean one is superior or inferior but simply that each have different roles. Men our role is to provide, protect, respect, value, honour and cherish our women. In that unconditional love, a woman will happily trust your guidance and walk by your side through thick and thin.
So what does loving our wives look like? I’ll try to be practical by giving examples from my marriage and I hope I don’t come out as arrogant and boastful as my goal is to be as practical as possible.
l Have a vision for the family
As husbands we must remember that we are to lead our families. Therefore, if we fail to lead, then why would we expect our wives to follow our lack of leadership? As a man do you have a vision for your family? Does your family know where you are going as a family? Do you have short and long term goals as a family? Do you lead your family in evaluating how you guys are performing against your set targets? As the man of the household are you leading your family to God by pointing them to Jesus Christ or away from Him? In my case when I wanted to come up with a vision for the family I discussed it with my wife and also got the kids’ input before we finalised our vision.
l Live for your wife
I want to believe that most if not all of us men would certainly die for our wives. But the big question is do we live for them? This calls for a daily sacrificial love for our wives. My wife’s love language is spending quality time. This means that nothing makes her happier than when my actions show she is worthy of my time and attention. She is a great communicator who isn’t shy to remind me that if I’m too busy, then I’m busier than God intended for me to be.
My wife also loves when I serve her by helping with the children. One of the things I’ve committed to doing in our marriage to serve her is to wake up early every morning to get the kids ready for school so she can sleep in. When the kids were younger and needed to be bathed, this was my responsibility every night as that was my way of giving my wife a break. My fellow Batswana men we should be willing to give up our own pleasures and comforts to meet our wives’ needs. Borre nako kgolo ke eno. A re emeng ka dinao re lweleng malwapa a rona. If you don’t know how to serve your wife, please make it a point that you ask her what you can do. I’m sure she’ll not hesitate to assist you to understand how to express your love to her better.
l Don’t compete with her
My wife made the difficult choice of sacrificing her dreams for 10 years to raise our kids at home and for that I’m eternally thankful to her, as she has done an amazing job. Last year marked her first time to go out and live her dreams. Now, as a sought after public speaker and author, she gets to be on the limelight of media using her gifts and talents. One of the worst things I could do at this point is to compete with her and be jealous of her success. For 10 years she sacrificed for our family by being home with our children and supported me as my number one fan. Now it is my turn to be her number one fan and help in any way I can to make sure that she reaches her full potential.
Men, God has given us a gift in our helpmates in life. Let’s not take advantage of them or take them for granted. Your wife can be your biggest blessing when you make her feel like she is your biggest treasure! Make sure to express your love and appreciation to your wife today by asking her “what can I do to make you feel more loved and secure in our relationship?”
Ashley Thaba is a popular author, life coach, and motivational speaker. She also facilitates corporate team building and wellness activities. If you have any life questions you would like her to answer, email [email protected] You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba