Of Compatibility & Love Relationships 1

A and B are gaga over each other. They have been courting for a few years and therefore intend to enter into holy matrimony in the nearest possible future. Both parties have notified their parents about their noble intentions.

A being an educated and loving man with several degrees does not have the blessing of his consanguinity and affinity as they proffer that B is uneducated and therefore unfit to get married to B. This is despite B’s lovingness and assortment of strengths in totality.

Should A and B severe the ties of their love and break up OR should they bolster the ties of their love and get married? What is the yardstick of compatibility in a relationship? This article is an attempt to dispatch light on compatibility in romantic relationships.

It is paramount to state that A’s loved ones most likely have A’s best interest at heart, but their opinions ought to be weighed on a scale of objectivity and completeness light of compatibility in a love relationship.


Life is generally divided into six areas; emotional, social, financial, intellectual, physical and spiritual. When parties are compatible or almost compatible in all these six areas, they will most likely reconcile their differences better; for divorce is a many a time a consequence of irreconcilable differences.

Compatibility is not a given that the relationship will flourish, it is a just an indicator that the union has a 50% chance of success. Despite how well - matched lovers are, they will still have to smoothen and tolerate some incompatibilities amongst themselves during the tenure of their relationship. If persons are not companionable in all or most areas of life, it may be more laborious to level or tolerate any exalted mountains of differences in their love affair compared to if they are compatible in most or all spheres of life.

Emotional intelligence speaks of an individual’s ability to discern and process their emotions constructively. When parties’ level of emotional intelligence is at par, they are able to resolve conflicts and differences in their relationships effectively. When there is a greater level of emotional disparity in the relationship it may cause preventable conflicts. It may also trigger the more emotionally mature lover to ‘parent’ their lover. The parenting partner may also covertly or overtly feel resentful and drained because of parenting their sweetheart. In contrast, they may savour parenting their partner for the fact that it gives them an edge over their beloved; nonetheless this deprives the parenting partner of the joy and benefits of experiencing an emotionally balanced relationship with an emotionally intelligent partner.

The parented darling may in some instances rebel against their sweetheart in a quest to assert their adulthood. Conversely, the parented beloved may continually cave in to being parented by their partner and never amplify their emotional intelligence.

Where the emotionally immature partner is teachable, they may magnify their faculties of emotional management and pick nuggets of emotional wisdom from their emotionally advanced partner.

Emotional intelligence is mostly learnt outside the confines of a classroom.

One can be born with a greater emotional intelligence. Another may not be naturally endowed with emotional intelligence but develop it through self-education. It is also noteworthy to mention that some people are naturally more emotional than an average person. This ilk feels all the emotions that an ordinary mortal feels more intensely even if they don’t have excess emotional baggage. Therefore, a lack of understanding and capacity for the ‘very emotional’ to handle themselves and be handled by their partner may widen the widths of conflict in a romance.

As espoused in my erstwhile article on different types of personalities, certain individuals are naturally energised by social interactions and have a greater need for friendships and socialising whereas some people have been energised by solitude and have a lesser need for social interactions or friendships in general.

In some instances, social polar opposites attract. In such an event, the parties would have to compromise on/tolerate each other’s individual needs for solitude and social interactions in order for the relationship to work. In some instances, though the relationship may never work as the partner with a lesser need for social interactions may constantly feel insecure about his/her sweetheart’s countless interactions with his/her friends or public in general. The socially active lover may also feel bored and imprisoned around his/her partner who lavishes in solitude.

The ensuing article will be a worthy continuance of this one.

• Gaone Monau is a Practicing attorney and Motivational speaker. For bookings on gender-based violence awareness seminars, motivational talks or consultations on relationships, confidence building, stress management and self-discovery contact +26774542732 or [email protected] Her Facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone. NOTE: If you have challenges in any of your relationships, be it family, colleagues, love relationship, marriage or any other, and you would like free advice please write to Gaone Monau at [email protected] .

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