Bidding Trump Farewell?

By the time this column lands on your lap ( I am assuming you are an avid reader ) the people from the land of Uncle Sam would have decided who will lead their country in the next few years.

The American public has been gripped in a national civic exercise to express their will.

The USA presidential election is a very complicated exercise that makes your head spin trying to understand it. It is not like the Ivory Coast presidential election where the magical Allessane Outtara proved to be more popular than Jesus Christ to the point where the aggregated percentage win surpassed the 100% mark.

Such miracles happen only in Africa where the laws of mathematics do not hold sometimes.

The voters roll could have 2 million people and the votes when tallied could be 2.5 million. Yes, election time in Africa has that uncanny ability to whisk out such mathematical miracles.

Let me break down the USA issues first so the layman can understand. The USA is like a country that is made of many countries, around 50. Basically it is a continent and the citizens in these little countries decide once in a while that they might not like the incumbent president’s face and put that to the test through a presidential election.

This doesn’t seem like a big deal until you imagine a continent like Africa and 50 countries voting for two people. The ensuing mayhem is stuff for movies. There will be protests, counter-protests, closing social media to prevent people telling lies like Yoweri Museveni in 2016, smug-faced gun-totting soldiers doing their bit to ensure the incumbent wins and some such interesting shenanigans.

When the USA presidential election is in full swing everyone around the world morphs into an American. You hear statements like ‘We will win Arizona’ from a Modipane native. ‘Alaska looks like it will be a problem for us this time’ from a resident of Gakhibane. Such is the nature of American world dominance!  If you haven’t felt like an American at any point in your life there surely must be a genetic flaw in your being.

When Barrack Obama was contesting the presidential election it was amplified even more. Kenyans went to town. Half the country claimed some sort of relationship with him or his family. In fact, some ‘relatives’ were even sprouting from as far as Tanzania. I do not blame them. Such opportunities must be milked to the hilt even though I doubt many accrued any benefit from that save for boasting to friends ‘I am related to the president of USA’. That surely must be as good as it got. According to those who are conversant with how these elections work Donald Trump seems to be on slippery ground and the White House seems to be fading into the distance. Yet there are some who still say he will rally.

Apparently he is a cat of sorts and has five lives (not the standard nine cat’s lives). Joe Biden seemed like an underdog but I think the American public got tired of presidents who encouraged medics to inject people with Dettol to thwart COVID-19 effects. The American public got tired of a president who boasted in 2016 that he could shoot someone on the New York boulevard and not lose a vote. The American public got tired of a president with yellow hair!

For us with single digit IQs the permutations are so complex that we will just wait at the finish line for the winner.

(For comments, feedback and insults email [email protected])

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