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Type Amen?

I am often called pessimistic and skeptical, even crazy, for the opinions I express in this column. I believe that will continue even in 2017. One thing I am not, and this has been the case for as long as I can remember; is I still know for a fact that a spade can and should not, under any circumstances, be ever mistaken for a big spoon.

I do not claim to be foolproof, I have been duped, tricked and cheated in the past, not by sophisticated con artists, but mostly by sweet talking telemarketers.

They are good at that, especially the ones responsible for marketing credit cards.

One minute you are minding your own business, the next, after 10 minutes on the phone with a mysterious person, you don’t even ask where they got your number from, you have a credit card loaded with cash, cash you don’t have even have plans for!

Luckily though I have never ever fallen prey to street con men, the Gamecity, bus rank/train station types, guys who disappeared from primary school at tea break and never returned, but years later they cheat folks who went on to finish school and actually passed, on street corners.

Maybe they charm them, maybe they hypnotize them, whatever it is, power to them because it sure looks like it is working!

Faith as they say, it’s not for the weak; it even confuses believers at times, even hardcore Bible thumping ones. Many times you see this confusion especially at funerals. One minute a preacher will be blaming Satan and the next, God, as if some umbrella of sorts exists between the Almighty and Lucifer. 

Perhaps my belief in matters of faith is misplaced or I, along with so many others, I am wrong and perhaps that says something about society, religion and so much else. 

Until a few years ago, the common way of having a conversation with the one above was a through a simple prayer.

If you felt overwhelmed or you needed backup or someone to also put in a good word for you, you could ask someone else to pray with you or, depending on your circumstances, pray for you. Or for some, you simply go to a little room unnoticed, they call it confessional, and let it all out and I am told.

Legend has it that usually those who take that route leave that room an hour or so later relieved, rejuvenated and ready to take on their enemies. I have always wondered where the guy who sits on the other side of the

box goes to when he needs to offload. A story for another day.

Social media has really made things a lot easier. Because, gone are the days where we used to go knocking on people’s doors, mostly deacons and prayer warriors’ doors at any time of the day or night with prayer requests.

Nowadays all you need to do is log on to Facebook, browse the net then somewhere there, type AMEN and solve all your problems.

No, you do not need to first confess or relay your story to anyone, all you do - type four words. It goes further than that, that big house you think you deserve (but your bank manager disagrees), that car you have always dreamt of can be yours if you only type the magic words. I typed Amen for this other car two years back and this year my neighbour got it.

It is not only social media, sometimes you get strange messages on your phone with elaborate instructions and mostly you will be commanded to forward the message in exchange of blessings, only they don’t tell you what to do if you are out of airtime.

When I thought I was the only one being ‘judgmental’ and swimming in a pool of confusion until I came across this somewhere;

l Welcome to modern day Christianity where typing Amen on Facebook will save you from your village witches and make you an instant billionaire.

l Welcome to modern day Christianity where Jesus sends you a whatsapp message then threatens that He will kill you if you don’t send it to 20 or more people.

l Do you believe that God will punish you if you refuse to send?

l Do you think your destiny is tied to a message on social media?

l Do you genuinely believe you will receive instant miracles after you type ‘Amen” on a post?

l We claim to be children of the Almighty, but we are scared of the  future and scared of little things.

We sure live in an era where phones have become smarter than people and people are regressing back to stone age. I wonder whether there is network in caves.

Tumy on Monday



Just a few amendments will suffice

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