We are on a 13-week marriage building series.
This week we will address the issue of Gender Based Violence (GBV). We also did an amazing TV show on this where we had a wonderful special guest who gave us great insights into this topic. She is a survivor of GBV after her husband shot her eight times in the head and then killed himself. You can watch that show this coming Sunday on BTV at 7:30 pm. Or it can be downloaded off our website, HYPERLINK "http://www.ashleythaba.com" www.ashleythaba.com. Today, we want to address some of the solutions for GBV which were discussed in that episode. Following is an excerpt from our book, Making Marriages Fun, which can be downloaded off our website. This is a complex issue, which we addressed in depth in our book. We will only address one small aspect today hoping it encourages someone.
Anger is a natural emotion and when not kept in check, it can result in physical abuse. Sadly, we do find that domestic abuse (Gender Based Violence) is rampant. More than we realise, families are suffering in silence under wretched soul sucking abuse! Some statistics even put the number as high as one in four families are suffering from some type of abuse – be it verbal, physical, sexual, or even financial and emotional when one spouse withholds certain things in order to keep total control over the other. Tragically, at times we only found out how bad these situations are when the situation has escalated to the point of someone getting badly hurt or even being killed in a jealous angry fit of rage! We would like to share some tips we have learned over the years to deal with conflict in a healthier manner that allows us to talk out our problems and solve them without any abuse or manipulation. If we look at the root problem, insecurity, we can actually find a viable cure. Do they fear that people will think they are insignificant, a failure, unlovable, inferior, etc.? Do they fear being alone? Have they been rejected so many times that they can’t take it another time? WHY ARE THEY SO THREATENED AT THE THOUGHT OF LOSING THAT PERSON? Avoiding this self-reflection means they will never be free from the awful effects of their jealously violent outbursts AND IT ALSO means they will never experience the true love they desperately crave. There is hope! To the one who feels insignificant, there is a God who says “I knew you in your mother’s womb; I know the hairs on your head and a word on your tongue before you speak it. I LOVE YOU!” To the one who feels inferior, He says “you can do ALL things through CHRIST who strengthens you! You are victorious by the power of the HOLY SPIRIT!” To the one who has been rejected, God says “I sent my Son to be REJECTED – to bear YOUR SIN and YOUR SHAME so you DO NOT HAVE TO! While you were still a sinner, I LOVED YOU. Turn from your angry self. Repent and ask me to come in and change you from within. Invite my Spirit of LOVE and SELF CONTROL and GENTLENESS to FILL YOU UP! Believe me when I say you are not unlovable. You are so loved that NOTHING can separate you from my love – not death, not principalities, not powers, not angels… NOTHING!! I promise you no eye has seen nor mind has seen what I have in store for those who love me.” Internalise these words! Think about these words over and over and over until you BELIEVE them. Because once you love yourself, then you can begin to love others. And once your identity is SECURE in God, a source that will NEVER LEAVE YOU, then even if others go, you KNOW YOU ARE VALUABLE and YOU ARE LOVED.
Examine your heart. As you analyze yourself and seek healing, a fundamental question to ask yourself is “Where do I gain my security?”
Is it in my job?
Is it in my relationship? Is it what others think of me?
Is it in the car I drive?
The problem with allowing our self-worth to be derived from anything that is temporary is it means your SELF WORTH – YOUR VALUE- is TEMPORARY and can be DESTROYED if that person leaves, if that car is taken from you, or if that boss fires you. We want to encourage you to really pray and meditate on scriptures that tell you how valuable you are. Figure out why you are so scared and mad when you can’t control the person’s feelings. Ask God to heal you from within. Ultimately, learn you will NEVER be able to control the feelings of others, but YOU CAN, by the GRACE and POWER of God experience self-control of your own feelings and emotions.
For more practical tips which are guaranteed to enhance your relationship with your partner, this book is available in electronic copy on our website, HYPERLINK "http://www.ashleythaba.com" www.ashleythaba.com . We have written it because we believe strong relationships make for strong people. When you are in love and feel secure and happy in your relationship, we believe you will be a happier more productive member of society in general. We hope you can download the book and begin to grow today. Ashley Thaba is a popular motivational speaker, team building facilitator, author and the Producer of a hit TV show offering practical advice to strengthen families and improve marriages! Episodes of her show can be downloaded from her website – www.ashleythaba.com.You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba. You can buy three of her books, Dive In, Making Marriages Fun, and Conquering the Giants, on her website. You can email her at HYPERLINK "mailto:[email protected]" [email protected] or follow her on Facebook at: Talking with the Thabas