Discordant couples are a source of courage

ARNOLD LETSHOLO
Correspondent | Friday July 25, 2008 00:00

They say they have been so ever since, despite various hardships that hit their affair.

There have been recriminations since their relatives disapproved of the relationship. They often faced serious bankruptcy, and ultimately the existence of HIV in Dineo's petite body. They overcame them all.

'I was really reluctant to test for HIV. Strange as it might sound, our cousin, who then lived in Francistown, motivated me and my siblings to test by showing us her HIV-positive results.

'You may doubt it but the following day all three of us; our elder sister, myself and my younger sister went for tests. When the results came out I was the only one who tested positive...' Dineo said as she frequently blinked and licked her lips for recollection.

'The whole of that day she did not respond to my calls. When I got to her home and heard the cause I could not resist shedding tears. The more I looked at her as she uncontrollably sobbed, the more it hurt my soul. I had months before tested negative, and was certain I was still so,' said Joseph, taking over the narration from his darling. He put his hand on hers and lightly scratched its inside.

This, they said, was in 1998. Ten years down the line, the couple says they have gone through it all and only death will separate them. Dineo says she used to believe that her man gave her the virus.

She then found no proof, as he was negative. They say during the first months of their relationship they used condoms. Later on when they thought they knew and understood each other better they quit the practice.

'The virus has taken several stages and this is my fifth year on ARVs. There are times when symptoms of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs) show in my body, especially private parts. Sores just show. But they soon disappear. Medics say I should expect such a state of affairs as it is the case with other people with my condition.

'I am quite thankful to have Joseph as a partner because many men dumped their women immediately they tested positive,' she said rather calmly.

Joseph says his woman is sometimes emotionally lowered by her relatives who when he does not show up for appointments for entertainment they tell her he had gone for other women.

'Sometimes I think she just becomes mad because of lack of self esteem. She expects me to be over-perfect for her comfort's sake. I try my level best. Where can I go now that I am this old? Fifty years is no joke. I will never find anyone who is not nagging. I will give her all the support. I hope by next year I will have married her,' he says.

Asked what his relatives' opinions are about this affair, especially as he is negative while she is positive he responded: 'They do not know a thing. I cannot divulge my wife's results to people who still believe that people are bewitched when they die of AIDS related illnesses. Never! I cannot spoil my love that way. It is our family affair. Perhaps if we could one day have children, those are the people who can know about this situation'.

He said he accompanied her through all stages of treatment, including counselling. He is still negative though they sometimes do not condomise. Things however become even worse when meals become scarce in their home. For quite some time he survived through 'piece jobs'.

Netefatso is one of those contacted by Havard Institute and the Ministry of Health. He said they are no longer as frequent as before. He can only recall three cases.

'Discordant results are one of the toughest cases to deal with. There is a couple which intended getting married. The man fell ill often and he tested. The results were positive. The woman never tested. When she is with relatives she says she is no longer interested in marriage. When she is with the husband she pretends everything is fine. She has postponed coming with her man for counselling until he was accompanied by his sister before enrolling for ARV,' he said, then continued:

'In another, the two discovered after marriage and the birth of the last child that the wife was positive while the husband is negative. Initially the wife blamed the husband for infection, but the tension has subsided with time as they were frequently counselled.

It is a closely guarded secret and no relatives know about this situation,' he said. He added that they have to keep counselling the couple to ensure they open up and tell the children. Apparently, because the children are still minors, they are still left in the dark.

It is worth noting that discordant couples are a reality in our society, and they provide a good lesson. The couples discussed above should teach us as society that testing positive should not be considered the end of the relationship. (Sila Press Agency)