NITTY GRITTY

BAROLONG SEBONI | Friday August 3, 2007 00:00

'Yes, we can certainly tell from your language not only who you are, but what you want to be with that half-baked American accent of yours!' says Walkie rather too directly.
'You know what Walkie, I'm really hurt because I thought that you of all people would understand where I'm coming from and where I'm at.

Instead, you sitting there dissing me. You know that life for me's bin hard and lots of lonely. I grew up in the ghetto, gal, like I mean in da hood. Not like all y'all who was raised in the village with family and a wooden spoon in y'alls mouths.

Ma life was hard and making it at school was harder. I had no family, just ma mama. I'm from a single parent type household, man, and I aint about denying that. I had no role models, and ...and..'

'And I think you watched too many Black movies,' interrupts Nikita rather insensitively.
'Will you listen to that communist-socialist, red nigger? I don't believe you man! That's my point, I had no role models like you did in Russia with Karl Marx and shit like that! I was on my loneliest for a long muthafuckin' time man, and because I survived with nothing to guide me, I think I deserve to speak any language I want, any which way I want! I'm sorry,dude. After 20 years of hard shit ain't nobuddy tell me gore I can't speak like this or that. No way, Jose!! You are dealing with Mr Kool here, and I know what's going down!'

'Well, I beg to disagree Squire Kool, or whatever you call yourself. As you all know, I was in Eastern Europe for 20 years and I don't speak English with Slavic or Polish or even a Russian accent. So I fail to appreciate your point, which I fear you are too sentimental about,' insists Nikita in between sips of his pure Russian Vodka, which he rates as one of the 'finer things in life.' Then he continues in a more serious tone: ' And I certainly don't appreciate being called a nigger! I think it's an insult not only to yourself but to the whole black race!'

' Ya, tell the young man, he's lost.Mme le wena rra, maybe you should speak English with a Russian accent, perhaps then we would understand you. Nna kana ha o bua English, I never know what you're saying.You use words that are not in my vocabulary!'
'And the other thing is that you always insist on speaking English all the time, even to us the lay people,' says Walkie, who at this point seems to be echoing what's on everyone's mind.

'But you should all know that there are certain concepts, ideas and ideologies that can only be expressed in English.

That is the sole reason why I venture to express myself in that language, and like someone said last time, English belongs to anyone who wants to use it and thereby own it,' says Nikita.

'I have a completely different theory about the use of the English language,' ventures Ausi Maggie, who has been listening silently but attentively to the deliberations from the kitchen, from whence the spiritual waters flow.

'Nna ke le Maggie, I think that a man who wants to use big English words all the time is compensating for something smaller.

A man who wants to draw attention to his intellectual prowess is making up for his lack of physical prowess.

In simpler terms, he is taking us up there so that we don't notice what is down there!' says Maggie, gesticulating with a wooden spoon.

Those who were bold enough to do so reacted with mildly suppressed laughter. The rest gulped as much of their beer as they could without spitting it all out.

'Ware men, what about women intellectuals who use bombastic words? What do you say about them? What are they lacking?'

'Oh, come on monna Smooch! When was the last time you heard a woman going around intellectualizing in shebeens talking about isms, schisms and prisms? '

' Well, I guess you are very correct as usual. Nna, I only hear women talking about his-sms, kitchens and kissings!' says Smooch, smacking his lips.