Is bonyatsi relevant in contemporary society?

GASEBALWE SERETSE
Staff Writer | Friday April 20, 2007 00:00

According to Isaac Schapera, a leading anthropologist on Setswana customs, bonyatsi is when 'a man who is already married takes a concubine (nyatsi). The concubine maybe a divorcee, or a widow who would formerly have been taken over by one of her late husband's relatives; but most often she is a lefetwa that is a woman who has never been married and is held to have passed the suitable age for marriage.

The man visits her openly and regularly at her own home, and her people acquiesce in the relationship, so long as he feeds and clothes her and the children he has by her, ploughs for her, and helps her in various other ways...' Bonyatsi, more especially among men, is encouraged by Setswana sayings like, 'Monna selepe o a amoganwa,' and 'Monna ga a nke a bodiwa gore o tswa kae.' The latter saying is normally emphasised when a newly wedded bride is being counselled during the go laa (bride's counselling) ceremony.
Mothebe recalls that during his days as a young miner in South Africa, his married colleagues used to sneak out of their lodgings to meet their concubines at 'locations' where they were exposed to all sorts of dangers. The artist says that the tsotsi's used to lure the unsuspecting miners to the locations with their beautiful girlfriends.  'Many of our guys went out to locations and were killed fighting for dinyatsi with local tsotsi's,' Mothebe says.  He says that money was always the motive with the tsotsis because what they did was that if they caught a miner courting their girlfriends, they would demand cash by threatening their lives. To avoid practising bonyatsi, Mothebe claims that he used to save all the money he earned at work and returned to Botswana as soon as he went on leave. Mothebe says it is not only men who practise bonyatsi. 'Sometimes it would so happen that you would come back home to find that your wife is pretending to be sick and denying you your conjugal rights. If you investigate the matter you will discover that the woman is pregnant with another man's child,' Mothebe says with a cynical smile.

He went on to explain that if you could handle the matter as a family, the two of you would have some frank discussions and reach a resolution. If the matter was too complex for the couple to discuss, it was necessary to involve both sets of parents. Kgosi Alfred Dihutso of Mogoditshane is reluctant to call bonyatsi tradition.   He says the practice was tolerated because generally, people were always up to naughty sexual escapades. He further explained that even in societies that embraced bonyatsi, the formal wife was always consulted first. If the wife did not mind the husband having a 'small house' the man would then be allowed to have an open relationship with the other woman. Kgosi Dihutso concurs with Mothebe that it is not men only who practise bonyatsi.

He says that he has heard many cases of men who come to him claiming that their wives were having extramarital affairs.

He says under normal circumstances, if a man or woman was caught having an affair with a married person, the culprit might be charged a given number of cattle.'It is important that people should refrain from practising bonyatsi given the HIV/AIDS situation in our country, ' admonishes Kgosi Dihutso. Other opponents of the practice say that it is not good since children born out of bonyatsi are never formally recognised and do not have a share in the heritage of their father.

A nyatsi cannot also claim any share from her boyfriend's estate. In his book, A Handbook of Tswana Law and Customs, Schapera agrees with this scenario,' So long as they (the man and his nyatsi) are not formally betrothed and especially as long as bogadi has no been paid, neither party is under any legally enforceable obligation towards the other'.
Kgosi Dihutso stressed that times have changed and ancient practices like bonyatsi and polygamy are outdated and must be discarded if Batswana are to build a safe and progressive society.