Nitty gritty

BAROLONG SEBONI | Friday September 16, 2011 00:00

Before I continue with this thing ya 'the white envelope that I got from the Prophet, I have to declare that I took a peak into the contents and one of the things that I can tell you right away, dear reader with whom I'm always straighter than a ruler, is that chicken has changed his name.  The letter in the white envelope states:

'Please tell your beloved readers that due to unforeseen circumstances beyond my control, I have had to change my name for reasons of suitability to the prevailing circumstances that are taking place in and out of my life, I have been forced to change my name from the one you know of Chicken, to the one you don't know of which I shall endeavour to elaborate and explain below. My new name in full is 'The cock that will leave no hen unturned'.The reason why I have been forced to change my name from the old one of Chicken to the new one of The cock that will leave no hen unturned is because many of my church followers felt that they could not countenance or face a situation where their leader is only a Chicken. I tried to tell them that Chicken is simply a name, but they told me that in Setswana the name becomes the person and the person finally becomes the name. As you know, the Chicken is usually associated with domestic things, but mostly it is eaten. My followers fear that because of my name I may finally become domesticated, weakened and eaten! Just like my name, or should I say the Chicken of my name.

Now in order to avoid this suggestive position of weakness and domestic affairs I have had to think outside the pot or outside the hock, or indeed outside pox (as in chicken pox), so that I can come out with a name that points to strength and muscular power as a leader. I did not want to think too far outside the hock, so I thought of none other than the COCK. The Cock is very suitable in accordance with my thoughts and in relevance to the situation at hand, because it is related to the Chicken, but in a big way. It is the leader of all chickens and it predominates the chicken hock as the Cock. As the leader it looks after all chickens as well as making chickens cry in the hock. Just like in my missionary position as the prophet and leader of the church I look after the women and sometimes they cry to say 'thank you'. As the leader I must be fair, so also as the Cock I must make sure that all the chickens come home to roost.

So officially I am the 'Cock that leaves no hen unturned'. I can no longer be just an ordinary Chicken. I am not so sure, however ,that I can answer to people who just want to shorten my name and just say 'Cock', when they see me and are excited. That will certainly not do at all. People will have to respect me and address me with the fullness of my name because you know in Setswana you are your name and your name becomes you, so I just can't simply be just a Cock.