Teaching the boy child emotional intelligence

RUSSO LUMA | Friday May 21, 2010 00:00

Usually it is the defenceless woman killed by her boyfriend or husband, who later on commits suicide, meaning that two lives are lost, sometimes more as in some cases, close friends and relatives are caught in the crossfire.

The reason for these killings have been attributed to unfaithfulness by one partner and a burning desire for revenge by the other.

Condemnation for such acts has come from people from a cross section of society. Why would anyone bludgeon, stab, strangle or shoot another for whatever reason? For the families left behind it is always a nightmare that seems to have no end.

Suggestions have been made to teach young boys how to control their anger or feelings. Professional counselors and psychologists employed in schools is one option that can be employed, suggested one parent. These would teach the boy child about emotions and how to control them with the hope that they will one day, make good boyfriends and husbands, who do not abuse or kill their lovers.

'Whenever I hear that a man has killed his friend, I right away think about my own daughter. You can never know maybe she will meet a man who will not hesitate to kill her if things go wrong,' said Tanaka Khani whose eldest daughter is doing form 2.

'I just don't know what I would do if I had to one day hear the bad news that my daughter has been killed,' she continued. Khani believes that something has to be done, especially at school to emotionally prepare both the boy child and the girl child for unfortunate developments in relationships.

Two 18-year-old girls, Memorise Isaac and Kelebogile Mpolokang expressed concern about such killings. They also believe some education on emotions is necessary to curb this evil practice.

Psychologist, Susan Nyeku says that when men who commit such crimes are angry with their lovers it appears as if nothing positive crosses their minds. All they want is revenge.

'He would be so angry that he thinks that by killing her he is solving the problem. He thinks that he will feel better, but most of the time it is only regret,' Nyeku said. She advises that if a man catches his lover in a compromising position with another he should just walk away because that gives room for the emotional temperature to subside. And whenever they want to discuss what has happened, they should do so in the company of a third person.

'Naturally, men are jealous. They would rather cheat on their girlfriends and wives, but would be furious if the latter do the same. Men love honour and respect. If their lovers double cross them, they feel very disrespected,' Nyeku continued.

The Voice newspaper April 16 this year published a story of Lillian Libambe, who had to jump from a two-storey building because her ex-boyfriend, Lekono Ogomoditse had followed her to work and reportedly wanted to kill her with a pistol. What was going on in his mind during this time, one might ask? Had Lillian not made such a dangerous jump, would he have gone through with it, and killed her?

Nonetheless catching them young, so to speak ,has been put forward as worth a try rather than not doing anything and watching more people become mere statistics. The unanimous word by all interviewed is that boys and even young girls must be taught that there is more to life after a relationship fails.