The boy-child and multi-concurrent partners

Ike Vavi
Correspondent | Monday June 7, 2010 00:00

For 25-year-old Lebedzani Nkhwa of Mbalambi village, the issue of concurrent partners starts at an early age for the boy-child. 'To the boy-child, for one to gain respect and recognition of his friends and peers he must be seen with different girlfriends. It is his demonstration of sexual prowess through having multiple concurrent partners that gives him the social status and admiration of his peers.' he argues. Nkhwa says that this explains why even at juniour secondary school level, young boys have already embarked on this very unfortunate lifestyle. 'If you are to listen to their conversation, you will realise the extent of this confusion on our young ones. To them it is how many girlfriends you have that makes you a hero.' he says. He identifies the socialisation process of the young male as the problem. 'For as long as they still confuse masculinity with sexual prowess, we will continue to have this problem. The boy-child needs a completely new kind of socialisation that will teach him that having more than one sexual partner does not in anyway make you a superior male than others,' he argues.

Mosheti Kafuko of Maun agrees; 'This problem of multi-concurrent partners is mainly a disease for the boy-child.This is clearly demonstrated by the fact that, the conversations of most of our school going boys is tainted with boasting about the number of girls one has or has slept with. Those who have less are deemed as being less experienced or are accused of fearing girls.'

He continues to point out that there are young boys in school who are mostly respected for nothing else but their sexual prowess. 'They are highly respected and have become role models for the other students. They are simply the talk of the school because they have many girlfriends,' he says.

Kafuko argues that schools are a microcosm of the larger society and as such mirror the larger society.'Remember these young boys are expected to graduate into men at a later stage. If they grow up with these kind of unfortunate beliefs and misconceptions, what kind of men do we think they will become?' he asks with a concerned look.

He adds: 'The society is also making the grave mistake through the myth that these young boys are actually exploring their world and celebrating their sexuality. Unfortunate arguments and reasoning such as, 'ke nako ya bone ba tshwanetse go tshameka (literally translated to mean that: It is their time they have to play) are always advanced to try to justify this unfortunate behaviour.'

He maintains that society in one way or the other is condoning this kind of behaviour under the pretext that the boy-child has to play around before he can settle. 'Unfortunately this developmental stage of 'playing around' that we as a society has come to condone is the one that is leading to this problem of multi-concurrent partners as some males fail dismally to graduate from it.' He reasons.

He is adamant that because this behaviour is not inborn, but a product of the socialisation processes it can be reversed. 'It is the society that has given the boy-child this kind of socialisation and definition of what a man is and it is the same society that will and should be prepared to give a new definition of what it terms a man and come up with a completely new package of the socialisation process for the male child.' Argues Kafuko.