Society scores massive own goal

Ike Vavi
Correspondent | Monday December 20, 2010 00:00

There are certain social perceptions and expectations that continue to indirectly influence people not to respond to the call for behavioural change. One of those deadly expectations and widely held beliefs is the notion that boys and girls are expected to 'play' around before they can marry.

Girlie Mangisi deposits that, 'It is unfortunate that even in the midst of this pandemic, society still finds it somehow acceptable for boys and girls to be running around under the pretext that they are still learning the ropes in so far as issues of romance is concerned. Our society has in one way or the other endorsed this as one of its norms.

This act of irresponsibility is, however, sugar-coated through the belief that they are still learning about issues of intimacy.  There is also this misconception that running around and trying out different partners gives the youngsters the opportunity to eventually choose the right partners who possess the right qualities when they eventually decide to settle down,' she argues

She is concerned that such unfortunate societal expectations are even summarised by statements such as, 'Ke nako ya bone. Kana ba tshwanetse go tshameka (literally meaning that ' It is their time. They are supposed to play).' Such excuses are usually given as a way of justifying the early romantic involvement and even multiple partners that our youngsters get involved wih.'

Omphile Buang argues that, 'This is one of the things that unfortunately make people to be involved with multi-concurrent partners. They get used to it at a young age and it becomes part of their lives. Even when they grow up or get into marriages they will always revert to this behaviour because society is indirectly endorsing it. There is no way we can allow it at a young age and think that we will be able to convince people that it is wrong when they are old.'

He says that, 'For us to be able to deal effectively with the issue of multi- concurrent partners, society needs to take a resolute stand and dismiss it with the contempt it deserves. Our young ones must be told that that is totally unacceptable and uncalled for. We need to give them a new kind of expectation that will be relevant to today's needs and challenges. Unfortunately, we are still clinging to the old expectations that are counter productive in so far as today's health dimensions are concerned.'

Herbert (as he wants to be identified) is convinced that the mission of bringing about the desired change is so far as behaviour is concerned is attainable. 'We must remember that this issue of multi-concurrent partners is simply a learnt behaviour that can be corrected. People are doing it because of this misguided notions or perceptions.

The individuals subscribe to this kind of thinking because it is sanctioned by the society. It is the very same society that should be able to come up with a new set of expectations and lines of operations that will treat as distasteful issues such as multi-concurrent partnership scourge,' he reasons.

He says that this expectation is so rooted in our society to the extent that it will always surface even when young men and women have found themselves marriage partners. 'At times marriage plans are called off by parents on the basis they (parents) are not convinced that the young ones have finished playing. Questions such as, 'A mme gone o feditse go tshameka? (Have you finished playing or running around?) are common in our society. It is such questions that show the extent to which the society expects the boys and girls to 'play',' he says.

He warns that this 'playing' that is recommended and embraced by the society predispose the young people to the HIV virus. 'Most of these young people are likely to contract the disease during this 'grace' period of 'playing' that is prescribed by the society as a stage that the young ones are to pass through. We need to do away with this stage lest we suffer the consequences as a society,' he says.

A Psychology and Sociology lecturer, Anita Lebengo says that, 'It is such widely held views in our society that unfortunately acts as an obstacle to the fight against the AIDS scourge. Such beliefs are the ones that are driving the unfortunate culture of multi-concurrent partners as it gives the young ones the impression that there is absolutely nothing wrong with 'playing' around. They perceive it more as what the society expects from them. To them their engagement in such a dangerous endeavour is nothing but a fulfillment of the societal expectation,' she explains.

Lebengo argues that, 'Our society needs to re-examine its expectations and try to align it to today's challenges.

In other words our expectations as a society should be reflective of the socio-economic and political challenges and/or environment. This, therefore, means that because of the AIDS scourge, the expectation that boys and girls should be running around before they settle down is no longer relevant. We need to prescribe new expectations that will eventually help us to deal effectively with the AIDS scourge. The need for new kinds of societal expectations therefore cannot be over emphasised.'