Why the marriage institution is dying

Tebogo Kgalemang
Correspondent | Monday December 13, 2010 00:00

Statistics from the Francistown High Court indicate that 288 divorce cases were registered in 2009. By last month, the court had 349 divorce cases for this year. This is an indication that the value and importance of marriage is reducing with time. Experts say this has been happening because there is no strong principles and pillars in today's marriages.

Gender analyst and social work lecturer at the University of Botswana, Log Raditlhokwa says people should not marry until they are sure that they understand and love each other genuinely. 'People tend to think they love each other whereas their love is not authentic. That is why after some time the love dies,' he says. Raditlhokwa says that many people have been misled to think that marriage will always be conflict free. This results in people failing to solve interpersonal conflicts in marriages. 'Now instead of people being patient in their marriages, they give up too easily.'

However, Raditlhokwa says some people are divorced because they do not make progress in their marriages. 'They do not increase their knowledge and become relevant to their spouses. They remain small-minded and cannot move with the spouse.'

Pastor Chaplin Mike Moletasaka says there are several factors that cause divorce. He suggests that all couples intending to tie the knot should go through premarital counseling with different experts. These include financial experts, social workers, District Commissioners, pastors, chiefs and others.

Moletasaka says people tend to disrespect marriage because by the time they tie the knot, they already know what is the institution is all about after co-habitation. He says couples must stop cohabiting or having multiple sexual relationships. 'When you engage in different relationships before marriage you are bound to do the same thing once you marry because you have had sufficient training,' he argues.

Besides infidelity, other factors that commonly lead to divorce are economical imbalances, bias and dependency in marriage. Parents, relatives and friends also have a part to play in a majority of divorce cases.

Experts say that divorce may be the easy way out of a frustrating relationship, but staying married is worth the effort. Marriage needs respect, honesty, communication and love, they say. Also, before people dissolve a marriage, they should make a list of negative and positive aspects of a divorce. A divorce will cause havoc on an individual's financial status as one spouse will start supporting two households. It has been proven that people live longer when they are married. It may not seem very healthy now, but if people work to resolve problems in their marriage, they may get back what they once had. 

Couples are encouraged to strengthen the family bond by making time to be with the children and spouse. Be present for the family meal, participate in a family game, help with homework, or watch television together.

Reconnect with your spouse and your children, laugh at the simple things, it will bring meaning to your life.