Thrown out for being gay

MARANYANE NGWANAAMOTHO
Staff Writer | Thursday August 12, 2010 00:00

Pule*, aged 16, was chased from his home in Jwaneng by his stepfather last year after he told him he was gay as he forced him to come clean about his sexual orientation which he had been curious about since he first saw the boy more than two years ago.  The stepfather met Pule when Pule's mother invited him to dinner to meet her children after dating him for six months. 

His real father passed away. Although he lived with his stepfather they barely had a conversation and had no connection at all, he claims. Pule even overheard his step father complaining to his mother on several occasions that he did not understand him, and claiming that he was not  well disciplined.  'This boy is very spoiled and needs to be guided.  He needs to stop being weird and start behaving like a man.  Otherwise I cannot have him around my children!' his father said to his mother in the kitchen. 

Pule did not think his sexual orientation would cause so much tension in the family, and even get his parents to threaten each other with divorce.  The family started having serious problems when the stepfather confessed that he wanted him out of the house.  'I do not want this boy in my house or anywhere near my children.  He should go and be gay somewhere, not in my house,' he said furiously face one morning over breakfast. 

Pule thinks that his mother got to a point where she had to choose between keeping him in the house or kicking him out to save her marriage.  'My mother does not care about me anymore because she wants to protect her marriage.  She has rejected me and allowed him to kick me out of my home,' he said with a shattered voice. He has always been blamed for every problem in the house, and got to the point of accepting that he was responsible for all frustrations in the house.  However, he partly blames his parents for their promiscuous behaviour and negligence at the time he needed them all.  'They all had relationships and did not even hide it from us.  They consequently had fights and they would somehow blame me for their problems,' he said.

Pule has been in and out of Sabrana Psychiatric Hospital after he attempted to commit suicide, he claims.  He got severely depressed six months after his mother failed to come looking for him even after hearing that he had been raped by one of the patients at the hospital.  'This patient targeted me the first time he saw me.  He asked me in which room I was staying because he wanted to come and have sex with me.  I refused to tell him but he finally got my room number.  He came by during lunch time and locked me in the room,' he narrates.

Pule was a student at Morama Junior Secondary School in Jwaneng until last year when his parents chased him out of his home.

He claims he has known he was different since he was seven years old.  'Even when playing with others I always wanted to play the role of a girl.  I was always with girls and I knew I was different,' he said.  But at that time, his sexual orientation was not much of an issue even though he was treated differently.  However, discrimination worsened as he grew up and became attracted to other men.  Family sees him as a disgrace and does not want to get involved in his 'silliness'. 

You may be asking why Pule has not received any help from social workers, Ditshwanelo, Childline and other such organisations?

Pule claims he has been to all these organisations and professionals, but still felt rejected and judged the moment he walked into the offices.  'Just the way they looked at me I felt judged and I knew they were not going to help me to the best of their abilities,' he says.  However, he has been to Botswana Network on Ethics, Law and HIV/AIDS (BONELA) in the past week where he says he is hopeful he will finally be helped as some of his friends got assistance from the organisation. 

* Not real name