When should parents talk to their children about sex?

Tebogo Kgalemang
Correspondent | Friday August 20, 2010 00:00

While some people feel that by discussing sex with their children they would be encouraging them to indulge in sex, many believe that giving children support and relevant information can go a long way in curbing unwanted pregnancies, HIV/AIDS and other sexually transmitted diseases (STDs).

Recently, some Tati Siding residents were dumbstruck after finding a 10-year-old Standard Four girl and a three-year-old pre-school boy having sex.

The girl's aunt tells of how she nearly fainted when she discovered the two children stark naked on a mattress. 'The boy was on top of the girl. I was so shocked that I screamed uncontrollably,' she laments.

When questioned, the older child allegedly revealed that they were doing what they had seen on television.

The truth of the matter, according to some experts, is that children will always learn about sex whether their parents want them to or not. They say children learn about sex from each other and what gets passed on in the playground may not be accurate, or what parents want them to hear.

A social worker at Francistown City Council (FCC), Goitsemang Moana encourages parents to always discuss sexual matters with their children, noting that they should always enquire on their children's whereabouts and the people they play with and at what time.

She says in the case of the children in Tati Siding, the situation could be that someone older must have molested the young girl and that she might now be feeling that she has to revenge by molesting somebody else.

She however indicates that this is a bizarre case, adding that they have only received cases of boys having sex with young girls.

Genith Lesetedi, a principal registered nurse at Nyangabwe Referral Hospital, warns that having sex at a tender age could lead to early STD infections.

She says there is possibility that the children could have infected each other if one of them is HIV positive. The nurse stresses that the diseases are transmitted mostly through sexual intercourse.

'The structure of the vagina is almost like a wound, and if this girl had been raped there are some lacerations. Once she gets in contact with the little boy there is going to be a transmission because the boy also has an opening of the penis regardless of whether he has semen,' says Lesetedi.

She urges parents to observe their children and see whether they behave in a way that suggests they could be sexually active and advise them on these issues. She said that children needed to be equipped with appropriate knowledge as they grow up. Lesetedi encouraged illiterate parents to always ask for assistance from their children's teachers at school.

She also encouraged parents to be friends to their kids saying, 'It's better to deal with them openly, with open relationships we can talk about a lot of things,' she said.

She also encouraged parents to be exemplary in terms of behavioural change. She said sometimes parents blame their children without realising that they copied from them, adding that what parents do in their homes impacts on the socialisation of the child.

The statistics of children aged 12 and below registered on anti-retroviral (ARV) drugs in Francistown indicated that there were 904 children from June 2009 to June this year; that is 446 girls and 458 boys.

Francistown district AIDS coordinator Godiraone Mathumo said they were unable to tell whether the numbers were increasing or decreasing because if one dies or gets transferred to another place they cancel him/her.

Mathumo indicated that they have organisations and companies dedicated to teach children on issues of sexual intercourse and HIV. They include among others Youth Friendly Services, which deals with adolescence sexual health education; Ultimate Youth in Schools doing abstinence clubs; BOCAIP, which talks about parent-child interaction; and Kings Foundation, which deals with children through sports so as to keep them busy after school.

The coordinator urged parents to know all about these children's programmes in order to encourage them to enrol in them instead of waiting until it is too late.