Too Young Or Too Old To Date?

Tumie Modise | Monday June 26, 2017 16:30

There exists no written rule that men should raid the cradle and marry younger girls, but it has always been the status quo, well at least most of us grew up under that situation, even came to accept it as the norm.

At school, as a senior girl, well at least during my time, you never expected a junior boy, let alone a boy in your class, to dare ask you out. That was considered disrespectful and rude. In all my formal schooling years, all 12 of them, I have never dated a boy in my school. It’s something I just never entertained. It didn’t help that most girls who tried it had very bad stories to tell.

So this old guy, in his late 50’s or so, got himself a hot young lady in her early 20’s. He didn’t only convince the girl to date him; he went the whole way and walked her to the altar, they were both sober if I may add! I am still not sure why the marriage caused such a furore, but something tells me that it had everything to do with their looks, well even lack thereof on the part of the man.

For starters, the girl was a couple of shades lighter than the old guy, a pigmentation not usually found in this country. Even then, I doubt his looks mattered that much; I have seen guys who look just like him, even worse in this country, but they are married and look happy. But his unusually dark skin and age made him stand out like a sore thumb next to the girl. Almost like her ancestor.

That man and his wife aside, inter-generational relationships, even though not unusual, are still an issue even in this day and age. It is not unusual to see an old man walking the streets with a much younger lady. You just have to witness this especially at villages, with our grandfathers and grandmothers. Perhaps this is why it is even acceptable in our culture for the man to die before the woman. The assumption, I was once told, is so the younger wife would then look after her old man and nurse him as his day with his maker beckons, even keep the fires burning after his death. Makes a whole lot of sense, only that in our culture then the wife will be credited with the death afterwards, as is always the case!

Fast forward to today, I think this phenomenon is quickly changing. I had this conversation the other day with a friend. He was adamant that ladies my age should ‘hook up’ and get married to older guys, guys in their 50’s and upwards. I do not know about other people, but I am adamant that even at my prime age, I will never ever take an old man to meet my father then introduce them as my fiancé. I doubt he will be amused either!

Honestly, I ask, why do females have to always get the raw side of the deal? I do not have issues with older guys, I think they are older and wiser but that’s where it ends for me. I am talking men, much older than me, in the range of 50 years and above. I will keep my own life experiences from this as much as possible lest I change the topic altogether.

Fact is, very few single ladies want to wake up every day next to some grumpy old man, count me in. We don’t dream of that scenario. So I was telling this friend of mine, just last weekend, that I would rather go into old age as a lone ranger than deal with all the drama that comes with having a senior citizen as a life partner! For some reason, he found that shocking, I hope he knew I wasn’t joking.

Here is the issue; as women, until we die, we never believe that we are quite ‘off the market’ so to speak. Half of the time we don’t even care about that market altogether, especially if we have walked that path before. Only a handful of women still have that dream, and it is that group that is problematic, because then they compromise standards for everybody else. Everybody deserves happiness; but happiness, I just refuse to believe; can ever come in the form of a man old enough to be your own father. I stand to be corrected, even counselled.