Cohabitation: Lovers Paradise Or Death Trap?

By Edward Bule
Correspondent | Monday April 19, 2010 00:00

Deputy president of the Tatitown Customary Court, Edward Showa, says: 'It is rampant and a cause for great concern here'. Usually, it is the unemployed or underemployed girl who moves in with her working boyfriend as a matter of economic necessity because the girl cannot afford rent payment.

Cohabitation can be an act of responsibility by a working male partner to his unemployed female partner.

According to him, a critical element in a marriage is the blessing of it by the parents of both the bride and the bridegroom. This is lacking in cohabitation because the parents are not involved.

Showa has handled cases where, after staying with a woman for some time, the man asks her to leave. In a marriage situation, her first station would be the parents of the man, but because the parents are not officially in the know, she resorts to the customary court to sue for breach of marriage.

Normally the lady loses the case outright because there will be no witnesses, such as the parents, to testify to the effect that indeed she had been promised marriage.

Showa blames cohabitation for some of the passion killings. This when it is the woman who wants out of the relationship and the man will have none of it because he feels he has spent so much on her.

Supporters of cohabitation see it as a prelude to marriage, a period for the couple to know each other better. This sentiment is invalid when the couple have been staying together for a long time and have children together.

Other unapologetic supporters of the practice say it is a cheap alternative to marriage. As a matter of fact, some women prefer cohabitation to marriage because it is a loose union and does not subject them to a strict control regiment by a man like it happens in a marriage.

In some societies, premarital cohabitation is relevant because it gives the would-be husband the chance to test the fertility of his spouse. Couples who stay together instead of renting separate accommodation save money.

 Objectors to cohabitation consider it an indication of the extent to which the standards of cultural norms have plummeted. Its biggest critics are Christians and moralists as well as community leaders.

Showa does not condone cohabitation because it is anathema to his cultural norms. He however feels that courtship should not be more than a year. His view is that when couples have been staying together for 12 months, they should be treated as husband and wife and if they have to part, they should share their belongings equally.

For starters, the Botswana government does not recognise cohabitation and therefore there is no inheritance for the children born in this type of union either. The man is however compelled by law to look after the children until they reach the age of 21. Society does not take much notice of such a union either. For instance, a woman staying with a boyfriend has got less power over him than his parents, siblings, uncles, aunts, nephews, nieces and even cousins.

Is cohabitation a dependency syndrome or the manifestation of an economic problem, which should be addressed aggressively within the context of women empowerment?