Teach useful words to cure child swearing

BABOKI KAYAWE
Staff Writer | Monday April 19, 2010 00:00

Child swearing is an act through which children employ profane or foul language when communicating, usually when angry or frustrated. Bafana Loeto* is nine years old and he is in Standard Three. He has the 'f' word and other Setswana expletives too strong to be written, ready whenever he is angry or frustrated.

To his mother's surprise, Bafana came home one day complaining about a bully at school who always took his pencils.

The mother, Mma Loeto, says though she has never uttered such words, she believes the boy learnt the profanities at school because she always makes it a point that the boy does not mingle with children who swear.

'The sad thing is even if my child didn't learn swear words from me, the thing is people will question his parenting when they hear him say the words,' she said.

Bafana is one of the many children that swear. Child swearing is amongst the problems that parents are facing. According to an Australian study undertaken in July 2007, half of kids aged one to eight swear, and nearly all of their parents worry about it.

In an interview with The Monitor, psychologist Lulu Tlale of Thuso Psychotherapy, said children are sponges that absorb language from the people around them. Tlale said a child who swears could have heard someone in his or her environment using that language. 

'That person may not be the parent, who is often blamed.  Children interact with so many different people, siblings, friends, schoolmates, domestic workers, grandparents, aunts, uncles, parent's friends and the media,' she said.

She said if any one of these people uses a swear word, even just once, there is the likelihood that the child will repeat the word.

As children are exposed to varied environments in which parents can never be around them always, and they get exposed to a lot of things that parents have no direct control over, parents should ensure that they lead their children into recognising that what they are using is not the right language.

'Children often watch television shows not appropriate for their age, sometimes with parents or other responsible individuals around.  Sometimes parents also use swear words in their own conversation and other adults, assuming that children are not listening,' she said.

She urged parents not to tolerate swearing. She further said if parents really do want their children to stop swearing they should not laugh about it with their friends as this could reinforce that behaviour.

'Behaviours that are not wanted should be punished but not with anger, physical violence and swearing,' she said.

She said it is often best for parents to tell the child that they do not want them using the particular word they used and then administer punishment. She added that parents should make their children understand why they are being punished as well as being told why swearing is bad.

However, a child who becomes detached from the hurt that swearing can inflict is more likely to hurt others in other ways.

Tlale urges parents to monitor their children's environments more carefully, and watch whom they play with, as they are the only ones responsible for their child's behaviour, even if they may not be responsible for their swearing.

'If you know they picked up bad language from school, take it up with the school,' she advises.

A study by 'Raising Children Network', an Australian parenting website, surveyed 663 parents about their children's swearing behaviour, asking whether they swear, how often, where they learn it from, whether their parents swear and what parents think should be done about swearing children.

According to the survey, 10 percent of children swear every day and nearly half of the children learn to swear from their parents. As children grow up, though, their friends take over where the parents left off. Once they are older than eight, half of them learn swear words from friends.

'Swearing gets more popular with age, with 80 percent of children eight and over using bad language,' the study has found.

It goes on to say that so many kids are picking up a few choice words - more than 40 percent of parents say they swear every day.

Interestingly, of the parents who never swear, 19 percent believe their children learn to swear from parents.

Parents believe children only swear to be funny or playful, the other reasons being expression of negative feelings.

'Swearing is considered unacceptable by 99 percent of parents,' according to the study.

Almost all parents agree that swearing children should be disciplined, and their solutions range from swear jars to withdrawing privileges and explaining the effect swearing has on others.

By far the most popular measure, though, is to teach children more acceptable words that they can use instead.