Never give up!

| Friday April 16, 2010 00:00

Life is about getting up again and again no matter how hard or how many times you fall. Without wanting to sound too sorrowful about my life, I have to say that I am no stranger to the thrashings, punches and falls life can throw at one.

I have almost decided that suffering is my fate and have more often than not felt like just throwing in the towel. Even so, I am learning a lesson from someone quite unlikely about resilience and always bouncing back from life's letdowns - my 10 month-old son Nlisi Loago Ayo.

Born on May 3 2009, my son's entire life has so far been about survival, bouncing back and never giving up. When Nlisi first came out of my womb, he could not even hold up or turn his own head, could barely open his eyes and did not know anyone on earth except me.

And even then, he was only just familiar with me because mine was a voice he had been hearing since his sense of hearing developed in my uterus. He was faced with the challenge of surviving in this big, bad world.

Eventually, Nlisi opened his eyes and started studying everyone and everything around him. One day I no longer had to hold his head up as his neck grew stronger. By around four months, he was learning how to sit.

This is where I started noticing the diligence he had. My son could only sit with the assistance of a cushioned ring or in a cushioned sekotele (a round shaped plastic tub), courtesy of his grandmother who believes to this day that it is because of this innovation used by Batswana mothers for generations past and not my Western contraptions that enabled my son to sit by the end of his fourth month of life.

After mastering sitting, Nlisi's next goal was learning how to crawl. At first he would lean forward and end up on his stomach, wiggling around like a worm.

When that wasn't good enough for him, he mustered the strength to use his arms to push himself backwards; he was in this reverse mode for a few weeks. Then one day Nlisi started crawling, this time moving forward. I am now sure he doesn't even remember a time when he couldn't crawl!

Motivated by the crawling developmental milestone and the cheering on of a proud family, Nlisi was now confident enough to stand holding onto tables, people's legs and anything that could support him as he stood. He was later able to shuffle from side to side holding onto something. But that wasn't good enough; he had to learn how to walk.

Walking is a major milestone, and I have seen my little one fall so many times and get up each and every time he fell. Because mine is the modern existence of a working mother, every time I arrived home after work, Nlisi would be walking a little further than the night before.

He had been practising, and no doubt falling very hard during the day. Undeterred and determined, it did not matter how many times he fell; he would try again.

I like to imagine that he remembers the times he was a helpless newborn and thinks to himself: 'If I can survive that, I can do this, I will walk!'  And sure enough, he is walking today.

Sturdy and confidently, Nlisi can now walk and I am confident he will overcome all the other challenges he encounters in life through determination.

Now, this is not just the ranting of a proud mother. I really think we adults whose minds have been corrupted by distrust, low self-confidence, disappointments and the other grey clouds of life can take a hint from these little people who never give up until they accomplish their goals. We too can take ourselves out of the ruts that we find ourselves in with a great deal of confidence, determination and support from our loved ones because anything is possible.

Like the newborn who first notices the world around him and studies it intently, we too should stop to take a look around us to really understand our situations and how we can get out of the dumps.

The trick lies in believing that it is possible. Like Nlisi who first started crawling in reverse mode, sometimes we will take a wrong turn and go in the wrong direction. But eventually, Nlisi found his way forward because he was determined to. We can and should do the same. One Richard L. Evans once said: 'Don't let life discourage you; everyone who got where he is had to begin where he was.' I am still trying to put into practice the lesson of determination that I have learnt from my little one because like Agatha Christie, ''I have sometimes been wildly, despairingly, acutely miserable, racked with sorrow, but through it all I still know quite certainly that just to be alive is a grand thing.'' It is something worth fighting for until everything works out because surely it has to.

That day, I can walk towards the sunlight, into the future and away from the dark clouds like Nlisi who has walked away from the days when he could not even keep his own head up to where he can now walk towards his favourite person in the world - me.