A Woman Was Created To Be Man's Helpmate

Ashley Thaba | Monday April 1, 2019 14:42

The Bible indicates that God originally created women to be the helpmate of men. To prevent loneliness and give man a partner to do life with, God gave him the gift of a woman. Is this still relevant even in today’s feministic world? Should a woman still play the role of ‘helpmate’ to her husband?

My husband and I have been doing marriage counseling and leading marriage seminars for over 15 years and we have observed something that may not be “politically correct” to state out loud. Though it may make sense to the logical liberal mind for a woman to do her thing and let the man do his thing, because after all, modern philosophies now would free a woman to be her “own person”, most of the time in the couples we work with, we realise it doesn’t lead to the fulfillment they thought it would. I have come to believe that a woman finds fulfillment in supporting her husband. And I have seen over and over when a woman supports her husband, he will appreciate her, admire her, and desire to be faithful to her. The man who finds his wife is a best friend, a life companion, a lover, a good mother to his children, a business partner will think twice before sleeping around with another woman. He would be a fool to lose such an invaluable gift as her.

But here is what I have also observed. Work, hobbies, and other time draining events separate the two and before they know it, they are leading parallel lives – maybe sleeping under the same roof but certainly not doing life together. So what can you do? Learn to be his helpmate. Take that step of faith according to Biblical wisdom. Choose to submit and serve even when your logic says “he didn’t do xyz to or for me, so he doesn’t deserve my respect! Or I don’t like the farm or football or whatever occupies his time and mind so I don’t want to accompany him.”

Let me give you an example many of you might be able to relate to. If any of you are on my page Mom to Mom: Parenting Consultations, you will know I am an avid gardener who makes sure my family eats organic food out of our yard 365 days a year despite the fact we have a very tiny urban plot. I love that because it is small scale! However, my husband dreamed bigger.

I am not sure what it is with these Batswana men that makes them want to “connect with the soil”, but they seem to dream of owning a farm. After years of dreaming, I finally freed my husband to use our savings to invest into developing a farm. Honestly it is hard work and not what I would choose! I find the returns are too slow on the amount of money and time we have to spend to run it!But, the Bible says I am created to be his helpmate! So, the kids and I toil away every day to support his dream of farming. The kids change and clean the chicken brooders each day, change water and food.

We are selling grafted mango trees right now so that means carrying trees till the point my 11 year-old daughter actually had a blister and mundane hours spent watering each tree with a cup! But we do it as a family. When the sun goes down and one child is holding a cell phone for light because the farm has no electricity - there we are, we Thabas, working under the moonlight! And somehow, when we do it together, it makes this tedious farm work fun and bonding for us. This is no longer “my husband’s thing” but our family project!So many times I hear of women saying their man spends his weekends at the cattle post. They don’t accompany him because the cattle post is not their thing. Let me tell you. Your man is your “thing”! So honestly, in my humble opinion, it doesn’t matter if you like it. If you like him, then walk with him… share life! Share dreams. Do life together and after 15 years of marriage, I can tell you that there are some businesses that my husband led us to that failed and some have succeeded. I have had to bite my tongue from saying I told you so! But, you know what I have no regrets! At the end of the day, it was just money. We make it and we lose it. But giving my husband the gift of knowing he has a faithful partner that will stick with him in good times and bad times, who will roll up sleeves and do manual labor if need be to support him, and who will be his consistent cheerleader and support system – that gift is priceless. And even if we lose out on one or two of his business dreams, he knows we are together for the long haul; till death do us part, I will be by his side. After all, he is God’s gift to me and I want to continue to be God’s gift to him. Additionally, by being obedient to God in being faithful and supportive of him, I have realised a strong, secure, and stable relationship with a husband who appreciates me is a gift I give myself! Find out what your husband dreams of and ask how you can help him fulfill the dreams of his heart. Find out what stresses him and ask how you can alleviate some of that stress. Be his cheerleader. Believe in him. Praise him. Love him. Support him. Honestly, what do you have to lose? On the flip side, what do you have to gain by leading separate lives and not supporting him in this journey called life? You chose to marry him so that means there was a point where you decided to walk through life together. Don’t let the pressures of life derail you from the dreams of your youthful love. For my kids, they are not perfect, but they will understand the meaning of a hard day’s labor! They will know we work together and this is our success.

We have each other’s back! They understand money doesn’t come easily and they learn with live trees and live animals that it doesn’t matter if they are tired or “don’t feel like working”, things will die if they don’t do their chores. And for that, those life lessons are invaluable!Today, figure out what your husband loves. Get the kids and stand with him. Enjoy the ride together as a family! And if you do want mango trees, free range organic eggs, or baby chicks (free range Setswana breed- not broilers)- well then give me a call... I am the lady who has suddenly found herself a “commercial” farmer simply because I signed up to be the wife of Percy Thaba! 

Ashley Thaba is a popular author, life coach and motivational speaker. She also facilitates corporate team building and wellness activities. You can view some of her work on her YouTube channel: Ashley Thaba.