Dingake on dealing with abuse
Correspondent | Tuesday June 21, 2016 15:04
I address you as a lay person in matters of theology and as an ordinary citizen of the republic who happens to be a Judge. I consider it a rare privilege to address women of God and hope you will find it in your hearts to pardon me for any excesses I may commit in the course of my address.
I do not know why you chose me to undertake this task. I assume it must be on account of the fact that judges – or more correctly, the Church and the courts, share one common objective, being pursuit of the truth and justice, even if pursuit of the above ideals may be uncomfortable for those who benefit from the perpetuation of the status quo.
Definition
I suggest we begin from the beginning, by defining the term ‘abuse’. In this speech “abuse” refers to an “unequal relationship” causing the victim to do things he/she would ordinarily not want to do, or to stop them from doing what they want to do. Abuse, is destructive in nature. It causes bodily injury. It inflicts mental and emotional harm. It demeans others and denies them their dignity as human beings. It involves issues of power and control. It is fundamentally unchristian, I venture to suggest.
Abuse may take many forms: blaming, threatening, intimidation, manipulation, blackmail, emotional and economic deprivation. The list is not exhaustive. It also includes negative criticism, calling names and belittling comments. It does not only happen in the family. It happens in public institutions such as schools and hospitals. We often hear depressing stories that in some public health facilities, some people may not be helped as they should because of the choices that they may have made as human beings that the caregiver may not like or support. This is also abuse. It happens in the church too. Well, let me put it more sharply; Christians can be both perpetrators and victims of abuse. This is the plain truth we cannot wish away.
Brief historical perspective
Abuse – whoever it may be directed at is not new. It does not take place in a vacuum. It takes place within a particular context and if not attended by all people of goodwill it can cause untold misery and harm to its victims.
The history of most societies has been characterized by abuse of children, (girls and boys), women, and to a lesser extent, men. Patriarchy - a system that extols male power and domination is one of the key factors that explain abuse. History teaches us that there was a time when children were to be seen and not heard, when women were rarely remembered as individuals, even when they did great things. They were regarded merely as members of some men’s family. This is part of the sad history of humanity we cannot wish away.
Biblical records
Sadly, the subjugation of women - especially to their husbands, seems to me as a lay person, to be tolerated, and even sanctioned by the Church. In many societies Wives are often counselled that increased devotion and submissiveness is one way of avoiding “disciplinary” chastisement- ostensibly friendly in nature intended to correct unacceptable misbehaviour.
It is the ideology of patriarchy that lies at the heart of the unequal relationship that we find in society. The wife’s most important role in a patriarchal system was to mother her children, nurture and socialise them - the husband was to be the breadwinner – It is this unequal relationship that prompts dependency that explains the abuse that exists in our society. Children are particularly vulnerable because they are dependent and powerless.
The biblical record tells the story that is consistent with the logic of patriarchy. In the first book of the Old Testament, we find men purchasing their brides. A bride’s position in the family was secured by her fertility. To guarantee that property circulated within the clan, polygamy was the order of the day. Shortly after the exodus from Egypt, women began to inherit land, yet if a woman had a father or husband – even an adult son - she remained under his authority and could only conclude contracts with his permission.
In Genesis, Chapter 21, we encounter the record of the abuse of Hagar by Sarah and Abraham and as a result of this abusive conduct, Hagar and her son faced near death. Because Sarah felt that her position in the home was being threatened by Hagar, she had Abraham “send her away” into the wilderness. It should be recalled that it was Sarah’s idea that Abraham took Hagar as a wife so that she could bear him a male heir. Ultimately, it is clear that Hagar was but a mere instrument and possession for Abraham and Sarah to achieve their goals. (Genesis 16: 1-16 and 21: 8-21). Again, from the book of Genesis 19: 1-11, we also learn that when Lot’s guests faced the threat of sexual abuse, he was willing to rather give his daughters to men of Sodom. He was willing to hand them over, as if they were some kind of property, to those men inflamed by passion so that they could “do to them as they wished”. It is plain from the above narrative that in order to protect his guests, Lot was prepared to let those debased men, abuse his own daughters.
Abuse against children
In our contemporary society children (boys and girls) appear to be most affected by abuse; followed by women. Men are also affected, but to a lesser extent. Children’s abuse ranges from neglect to ill-treatment. Abuse of children may include any act or failure to act by a parent or a caregiver which results in actual or potential harm. Sometimes it boils down to the demeaning manner in which we speak to our children.
The World Health Organisation (WHO) defines child abuse and child maltreatment as, “all forms of physical and/or emotional ill-treatment, sexual abuse, neglect or exploitation, resulting in actual or potential harm to the child’s health, survival, development or dignity in the context of a relationship of responsibility, trust or power”.
We must also be frank and admit that women have a role in perpetuating violence; by being forever in denial, condoning it for the sake of keeping the family together, especially where men are the breadwinners. Sometimes women go to the extent of blaming children for the abuse; causing them trauma and engendering isolation.
In countries where female genital mutilation is practised, it’s the women who carry out the operation – and it becomes extremely sad if one has in mind that this whole practice is done for the purpose of sexual gratification by men.
It is well and good in my view, my dear sisters, to pray about this social evil. Prayer is to be encouraged at all times when we meet challenges so that God may intervene and do His will. However and with the greatest of respect, I suggest that prayer must be accompanied by action on the part of the victims of abuse and the broader community – they must stand up and do something about it. They must report to the police so that justice can take its course. Women must not and should not suffer in silence, and children should not be sacrificed for anything.
The other problem that is rampant in this country, as in other parts of Africa and appears to be tolerated, oblivious that it renders the girl child vulnerable to HIV and economic disempowerment as it impacts negatively on educational opportunities, is child marriage. Far too many of our children are getting married before they reach the age of 18. In many occasions, this is done with the consent of parents. In my respectful view no self respecting society must permit child marriages under any guise and for any reason. Research by UNFPA and UNAIDS shows that women and children are disproportionately affected by the burden of HIV and AIDS.
Happily, during the course of this month, in Manzini, Swaziland, SADC Parliamentarians resolved to end child marriages in SADC. They need the support of all of us including the Church.
Abuse against women
Abuse is also rampant amongst women. Some authorities suggest that over 50% of women in Botswana have experienced physical violence, and that the most common perpetrator of this violence is an intimate partner.
It is important to repeat, if only for emphasis, that Christian families are not immune to abuse. Research has shown that women across all sectors, especially, those carrying a particular status often conceal that they are in abusive relationships.
Whilst the majority of victims of abuse, including violence, are women, abuse of men happens far more than one would expect.
At the end of the day, abuse is abuse and is unacceptable. Abuse is not about gender or strength. It is about unequal power relationships and control. It is important that we must all unite to tackle it.
As I approach the end of my address; and having regard to the litany of challenges I have alluded to above, I want to throw a challenge to the Church, in this case the SDA; and say, with the greatest of respect and humility; that the Church, in our contemporary setting, faces the challenge of undergoing some form of rethinking certain conceptions of its nature, structure and mission. It has become plain to me as a lay person, not schooled in Theology that old truths need to be revisited with the aim of redefining them. I know many in the SDA community, who believe firmly in the biblical tradition and who raise the all-important question that the Church must remain relevant to its environment and cannot be said to be serving the ends of Christianity if they turn a blind eye to injustice around them.
This contemporary generation of Seventh Day Adventist Christians, one of which is a friend of mine at the High Court, insists that the Church is morally and spiritually bound to demonstrate solidarity, in concrete terms with those trapped in the world of pain. They must pray for them without ceasing; whilst at the same time doing something concrete to ameliorate their situation.
In my respectful view to remain indifferent and unresponsive in the face of evil is to condone and perpetuate it. I urge you to resist the unmeritorious argument that is often advanced that abuse or domestic violence is a ‘private matter” and therefore none of your concern. We are all born in the image of God. We are all God’s children and equal in his eyes and from whence the idea of human rights comes. It follows in my view therefore that an injury to one is an injury to all.
In conclusion, I wish to appeal to the Church, especially the SDA, to remain open-minded in dealing with issues of human rights and to be seen to care in practice. I suggest that taking a strongly human rights position on various aspects of human endeavour, including on issues of abuse, generally is not inconsistent with the core values, beliefs and mission of the Church. In my mind, taking sides with the abused and standing by them is not inconsistent with the primary mission to ‘proclaim’ the Gospel to a sinful World so as to prepare it for the second advent of Christ. The Church needs to find meaningful ways of responding to challenges now as it promises the, “Kingdom of God in this world.”
I submit, with respect, that taking sides and supporting all persons who are abused would give the victims, an opportunity to rise above their broken self-worth and enable them to gain back their humanity, which the gracious, all loving God granted them.
I thank you for your attention.
Justice Key Dingake is High Court Judge