The baby mama struggle is real
Tumie Modise | Monday June 6, 2016 15:52
If they do have children and find the mother difficult to deal with, they should not disappear from the child’s life, because in the end it is better for the child to see you try immensely than to know that you gave up and walked away. It is that simple, no rocket science required here.
There is just too much anger in this country. It is like everyone just goes out of their way to find a reason to be angry; angry at power cuts, at the weather even at themselves! The idea is just to get angry at something or somebody. I used to be an angry person too but not anymore. It sucks your energy, makes you look and sound stupid. But as the saying goes, hell sure knows no fury than a woman scorned! Just ask Botswana men, more precisely, just ask scores of men that found their names posted for the world to see at the two week old but now notorious ‘Irresponsible Fathers and Mother’s’ Facebook page.
You don’t mess with an angry woman, especially one left with a colicky screaming child in this country. It is double the trouble if they are left at the lurch, left for another woman. The anger is justified if you ask me. As any parent will tell you, a baby is a life sentence, a sentence of hard labour sweat and tears. Studies done a few years ago in the USA on absentee fathers show that Black fathers particularly drag their feet when it comes to playing daddy roles. Most don’t just drag their feet but they go into hiding, cut all contact with the mothers and resist all attempts for any forced contact. Other races fared better, much better.
On the flip side, the same studies then showed that compared to other races, black fathers eventually return some day, perhaps it’s their conscience/s at play, but they turn the corner still. Most do so at the afternoons of their lives, when they are needy and helpless, while most do that just before they kick the bucket.
Some genius, probably a female decided to open this page, aimed at shaming run away dads and moms. As it’s always the norm, males bear the full brunt of this page. A few females get shamed there yes, but nobody cares, the consensus seems to be that they did their part in those nine grueling months. It is not so much the names of the culprits (shamed) that got my attention, what got my attention was where these people originate from.
You see in Botswana whenever somebody does something out of the ordinary, whether good or bad, their roots/origins have to be first established. Not only that, even in instances where a man goes out looking for a girl to settle down with, the girl’s origins have to be ascertained first.
My brother in-law sent his own family on a wild goose chase years ago, telling them that my family hailed from Molepolole, only for them to realise when it was too late that we are actually from Kanye. He got his wife and to this day we all laugh about it. That’s how serious it gets.
So this issue of origins crossed my mind when I browsed the page. With every third post, a man from Maun or a soldier was shamed. That got my attention.
Two days later, Phikwe BCL men were hot on the toes of BDF men competing for poll position, while men from Tonota, Mahalapye, Mochudi, Molepolole and Moshupa battled furiously for the top 5 positions.
Something is very wrong here; this can hardly be a coincidence. My own homeboys did not feature much; only three made the list. They still should be investigated for bringing my village into disrepute. Back to the list though, men in uniform are the worst culprits. I once wrote about men in uniform, how I would choose a lion over them anytime but this wasn’t why.
My reasons are completely different and have absolutely nothing to do with making babies. With BCL miners I think it kind of makes sense. Their month end tales are legendary and well-documented. Girls flock to these mines, not just Phikwe, every month end. Nobody knows what they do once they get there. I have heard stories of girls getting ‘stuck’ at Orapa mine gate too. I have never been to Orapa and I am not too sure what that means too. Maybe they go there on behalf of their young ones. I will never know but this page is proving to be effective.