Overcoming tragedy after an unexpected loss

Victoria Seiketso Sethibe | Thursday March 31, 2016 11:56

In every family or community, everyone has an important role to play, no matter how young or how old they are. This explains why it is often a challenge for the survivors to figure out how they are going to put together a life that is definitely different, but equally meaningful.

Therefore, no response is more appropriate and immediate than grief. It gives us a chance to deeply immerse ourselves in prayer, acknowledge our vulnerabilities and seek help from our support systems to heal from trauma. Grief also pushes us into pause and slow modes.  There is nothing that can destroy a grieving person than focusing on how fast he or she should heal. It can only heighten anxiety, hence delay the healing process.

Below are some pitfalls to be mindful of when dealing with a major loss:

 

Denial

Statements such as “I am okay,” “I can handle this,” can be self-defeating in that they can rob us of opportunities to get external support we need from our support systems so that we get a chance to recharge and get ready to move on. If we deny ourselves a chance to grieve, we also deny ourselves the momentum to move on with our lives.

Escape

-It is easier to avoid facing the realities that come with a major loss, but it is not helpful to do so. We are living in an era of quick solutions and it has never been more tempting to avoid experiencing pain or delayed gratification, especially for youth than it is now.

 In an attempt to bring quick solutions during grief, some people resort to instant mood-altering substances ranging from over-the-counter painkillers to strong alcoholic drinks and hard drugs. Anything that is sustainable needs not be built in one day. Moving beyond grief does not necessarily need to be as fast as lightening.

It is a gradual process worth patience and determination.  Others develop the tendency to spend as much time as possible in the company of people who do not necessarily add value to their lives, in order to avoid the realities they are confronted with. Unfortunately, people who try to deal with pain by running away from it are faced with the risk of being taken advantage of emotionally, financially and physically.

 

Believing that your current adverse situation will never change

-It is important to note that adverse situations or trends can be managed with appropriate interventions and that it is possible to get through adversity without being destroyed. It is helpful for families or communities to meet and evaluate tragedies objectively later on after grieving. It is during these meetings that strategic plans are drawn to address tragedies experienced by the affected communities and families.

 

Playing the blame game-

Taking responsibility for the risk factors that follow an unexpected loss of a loved one or any other major loss is not always automatic.  Life is not totally predictable. Blaming the next person for a major loss can be very tempting, especially if you know it could have been prevented, but unfortunately blame game does not bring any solution.  Each and every one of us needs to hope for the best and prepare for the worst.

 If you are walking along a main road and you find a young child waiting to cross the road please help the child to cross the road, even if you do not know them. If you are driving and there is a slightest chance that there might be children next to that road, please slow down as much as possible. Condolences to all those who have lost their loved ones.