When Ablutions Cost A Million

Thulaganyo Jankie | Monday June 1, 2020 09:41

This has not been tested in our shores for two reasons. Anyone who gets hold of a rabbit foot will most probably throw it in a pot to make rabbit stew and eat it. If not, keeping a rabbit foot will most probably get you in trouble with authorities from the wildlife department.

We have our own version of a rabbit foot which is also a part of an animal – the nose of a hyena. In vernacular it is called nkoyaphiri and somewhere in the periphery of our city in a section of Mogoditshane (the last truly lawless frontier) called Nkoyaphiri a very fortunate building contractor lucked up in a big way.

As the coronavirus train gathered steam and the lockdown got into full effect the preparations to return to normalcy kicked off in earnest.

There was a mad rush to get facilities in a state to thwart the spread of the famous or infamous virus depending on how you look at it. Every now and then, some visionary individuals come along with a concept that is so original and so revolutionary that your immediate reaction is: ‘Those individuals should be on medication.’ This seems to be the case with these ablutions. The inventive tried to guess what the one million was actually paying. Golden seats, sensors all over, self-cleaning, chandeliers, wall-to-wall mirrors, powder puffs etc. The whole nine yards basically!

However, it seems tragic episodes like this are already occurring all over the Republic. The North West District would not be outdone as they too have already forked out P35m in building their own set of 35 toilets. Poor Covid-19 fund! It now seems like pancake batter waiting to be flattened out and rolled over.

As the prophetic weatherman predicted the onset of a cold front in the subsequent week the area MP and the council chairman got into some kind of cold war. As the MP waded into the morass questioning the costs of the project the chairman retorted that the former should learn to read.

The nation is currently waiting with bated breaths to hear whether the MP will be enrolled for any reading course in one of the local universities. In fact, the loose-jawed, unsubstantiated-rumour peddlers are claiming one of the universities has thrown in a free scholarship. Until this is paraded with other COVID-19 donations as is the norm, we will dismiss this as baseless rumour-mongering. All COVID-19 donations have to be received by the VP, at a lush garden and appear in the 7pm BTV news bulletin.

We are prepared to file this whole episode away under the Frustrating Memories file and get on with our lives. Don’t be surprised though if it starts mutating and a new pod bursts open and out pops opposition politicians, DCEC and spin-doctors.

I believe one of our leading causes of national embarrassment, outranking even the Palapye Glass Factory, or individuals who don’t wear masks or the man who assaulted a helpless youth at a pizza joint is the assault on our national pandemic kitty by suppliers whose calculators and computers can only work with 7-digit figures.

The COVID-19 pandemic has the world talking about a new normal. The cost of these ablution blocks has everyone now talking a new abnormal. That means more work for the already overstretched COVID-19 team. Alas!

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