Grown-ups too, get bullied

Mmaotho Segotso | Friday June 12, 2020 11:23

What you have to do is have the courage to stand your ground and not give them the time of day. Hold on to your power and never give it away.” Unknown

Bullying is the use of force, coercion, or threat, to abuse, aggressively dominate or intimidate. The behaviour is often repeated and habitual. Also, bullying is unwanted, aggressive behaviour that involves a real or perceived power imbalance, intended to hurt another individual, physically, mentally, or emotionally.

One essential prerequisite is the perception (by the bully or by others) of an imbalance of physical or  social power. This imbalance distinguishes bullying from conflict.

A  bullying culture can develop in any context in which humans interact with each other. This may include  school, family, the  workplace, the home, and neighbourhoods.

Types: roy baumeister

Physical

Physical bullying intentionally hurts someone’s body or damages their possessions. It manifests through stealing, shoving, hitting, fighting, and intentionally destroying someone’s property. Physical bullying is rarely the first form of bullying that a target will experience. Often bullying will begin in a different form and later progress to physical violence. In physical bullying the main weapon the bully uses is their body, or some part thereof, when attacking their victim. Physical bullying will often escalate over time, and can lead to a detrimental ending like murder.

Verbal

Verbal bullying is one of the most common types of bullying. This is any bullying that is conducted by speaking or other use of the voice and does not involve any physical contact. Verbal bullying includes any of the following:

 Spreading rumors

Threats

Mocking someone’s voice or style of speaking or disability

Insults

In verbal bullying, the main weapon is the bully’s voice. In many cases, verbal bullying is common in both genders, but females are more likely to perform it. Females, in general, are more subtle with insults than boys. They also use social exclusion techniques, to dominate and control other individuals and show their superiority and power. However, there are also many males with subtlety enough to use verbal techniques for domination.

Relational

Sometimes referred to as social aggression, is the type of bullying that uses relationships to hurt others. The term also denotes any bullying that is done with the intent to hurt somebody’s reputation or social standing which can also link in with the techniques included in physical and verbal bullying.

Relational bullying is a form of bullying common amongst youth, particularly girls. Social exclusion or making someone feel “left out” is one of the most common types of relational bullying.

Relational bullying can be used as a tool by bullies to both improve their social standing and control others. Unlike physical bullying which is obvious, relational bullying is not overt and can continue for a long time without being noticed.

Cyber

The use of technology to harass, threaten, embarrass, or target another person. When an adult is involved, it may meet the definition of cyber-harassment or  cyberstalking, a crime that can have legal consequences and involve jail time. This includes bullying by use of email, instant messaging, social media websites such as  text messages, and cell phones. It is stated that Cyberbullying is more common in secondary school than in primary school.

Collective

Collective bullying or mobbing  are tactics are employed by a group, in any context, such as a  family,  peer group, school, workplace,  neighbourhood, community, or online.

It is also emotional abuse in the workplace, such as “ganging up” by co-workers, subordinates or superiors,  to force someone out of the workplace through rumours, innuendo, intimidation, humiliation, discrediting, and isolation.

Trolling behaviour on social media, although generally assumed to be individual in nature by the casual reader, is sometime organised efforts by sponsored bullies.

Disability

It has been noted that disabled people are disproportionately affected by bullying and abuse, and such activity has been cited as a hate crime. The bullying is not limited to those who are visibly disabled, such as wheelchair-users or physically deformed such as those with a cleft lip, but also those with learning disabilities, such as  developmental coordination disorder.  There is an additional problem that those with learning disabilities are often not as able to explain things to other people, so are more likely to be disbelieved or ignored if they do complain.

Gay

Gay bullying and gay bashing designate direct or indirect physical actions by a person or group against someone who is gay or lesbian, or perceived to be so due to rumours or because they are considered to fit gay stereotypes. Gay and lesbian youth are more likely than straight youth to report bullying, as well as be bullied.

Legal

Legal bullying is the bringing of a vexatious legal action to control and punish a person. Legal bullying can often take the form of frivolous, repetitive, or burdensome lawsuits brought to intimidate the defendant into submitting to the litigant’s request, not because of the legal merit of the litigant’s position, but principally due to the defendant’s inability to maintain the legal battle.

Parental

Parents may  displace their anger, insecurity, or a persistent need to dominate and control upon their children in excessive ways. This happens when parents are bullied at work by bosses, by siblings, partners and or peers. This increases the likelihood that their own children will in turn become overly aggressive or controlling towards their peers.

Parental bullying also manifests itself in situations where parents force children to take a career path that they (parents) choose to make up for their own shortcomings or to up their social standing. Also, children are bullied into marrying people they do not love to please their parents. Black tax is another form of parental bullying. This one is the most dangerous as the parents make the child feel they owe them for raising them. Most victims of black tax die poor.

What kind of people are bullies?

Both males and females can be bullies. Bullies may be:

Outgoing and aggressive. This kind of bully might make fun of you to your face or physically hurt you. Quiet and sneaky. This kind of bully might try to manipulate you in secret. They might anonymously start a damaging rumour just to see what happens.

Friendly and fake. This kind of bully might pretend to be your friend so that you tell them things, but then do hurtful things behind your back.

Many bullies:

Like to be in control of others and are focused on themselves.

Have poor social skills and have a hard time getting along with people. Might not care about people, or lack empathy, are often insecure and bully others to make themselves feel better Some bullies don’t understand normal social  emotions like guilt, empathy, compassion, or remorse. Thus, need help from a professional like a psychiatrist, or psychologist.

“The common mistake that bullies make is assuming that because someone is nice, they are weak. Those traits have nothing to do with each other. In fact, it takes considerable strength and character to be a nice person.” Mary Elizabeth Williams.