Understanding envy

Victoria Seiketso Sethibe | Thursday February 18, 2016 15:57

The story below shows how envious people can typically relate with those they envy:

*Senatla is a 25 year old woman who has been consistently working hard to sell clothes and other marketable merchandise along a busy road in one of the local villages, for the past four years. Her small scale business has grown from strength to strength every year, despite all the challenges she initially faced as a young business woman. One of things that Senatla has also successfully accomplished was to grow a reliable clientele base, thanks to her good quality service.

Recently, Senatla met *Dipuo, a former Senior Secondary School classmate of hers, who has always perceived herself as smarter than Senatla, while doing her daily business of selling some good quality clothes. Overwhelmed by the rate at which Senatla’s merchandise sells, Dipuo could not help feeling envious of Senatla. Instead of asking Senatla to share the success story with her, Dipuo felt the inner urge to talk down on Senatla’s business.

She told Senatla how she has always despised the business of selling clothes because too many people are into it.

Dipuo went on to explain that even though she does not have the slightest interest in selling clothes, she (Dipuo) had a dream just the other day, whereby she was successfully selling high quality clothes in a sought after street in New York and how that dream was a sign that God was talking to her to sell clothes at a much bigger scale than along some dusty road in an undeveloped village. Senatla, feeling insulted by the quality of Dipuo’s lies, replied, 'Ooh Dipuo you know you are lying and please leave God out of your lies” in a very firm but calm voice.

Even though the above story is fiction, the character Dipuo shows just how spiteful envious people can be when they see others succeeding more than them.

 

What causes envy?

Envy is a secretly held emotion mainly caused by poor appraisal of the self, as seen in Dipuo’s case.

Her envy stems from the fact that she always measures her self image against other people. If she does better than them, she tends to look down upon them, like she did with Senatla when she was academically performing better than her, back in their senior secondary school days.

If other people do better than her, Dipuo becomes resentful, as seen in the way she talks down on Senatla’s business. What Dipuo fails to understand is that Senatla’s success came from identifying and FOCUSSING on her own unique set of talents, instead of dwelling on being better than someone else.

How does envy affect those who persistently compare themselves against other people?

Envy holds them hostage in that they lose focus in appreciating and making full use of their own unique set of talents and other resources, as in Dipuo’s case. Although Dipuo knew that she was academically better than Senatla, she did not appreciate and make full use of her academic talents, because her focus was on other people.  Envious people easily feel discouraged and their personal growth comes to a halt when they see others progressing from strength to strength. Although she does not admit it, Dipuo is inwardly feeling discouraged by Senatla’s growth in business. Lack of courage is a sure way of stunting anybody’s progress.

Envious people tend to regret why they did not reach certain milestones in their lives. Regret is a harmless feeling provided it does not breed other negative feelings.

Envious people tend to resent or feel jealous over other people’s success.

From jealousy , envious people proceed to a much more harmful stage of making an effort to hurt others. This stage can be presented in many ways, depending on individual choices.

Dipuo chose to talk down on Senatla’s effort when she narrated how a dream made her realise how she was destined to sell clothes in big cities, instead of some dusty roads in some undeveloped village. In their twisted minds, bringing other people down makes envious people seem smarter and consequently makes them feel better.

If you know you are doing well and someone downplays your effort,  you must know that beneath those negative comments lies envy. Turn that into the compliment that it is supposed to be and carry on with your business as usual.

If other people’s success is making you feel down, look around you and take advantage of the resources around you to make yourself a better person. *Not their real names