Polygamous Union not for women- Kgosi Mosielele
Pini Bothoko | Monday December 21, 2020 15:20
Followers had mixed feelings over the trio’s union with some supporting the polygamous marriage pointing out it could be used to curb escalating divorce on grounds of infidelity amongst married couples. However, women took the debate to another level asking if it is also open to those who may want more than one husband.
The Sekatis’ union takes the form of polygyny (polygamy in which a man has more than one wife), which Kgosi Kebinatshwene Mosielele of Bahurutshe boo-Manyana officiated over.
As champion advocate for the polygamous regime for many years, Kgosi Mosielele has said it is, however, not allowed in Setswana culture to practice polyandry (polygamy in which a woman has more than one husband).
“It is not allowed in Setswana culture for a woman to marry more than one husband. E tla bo e se Setswana. In our Setswana culture the husband is the provider and the protector of the family whilst mme e le legopo la ga rre. Mosadi o ka se itshwantshe le rre. Yes, I agree that nowadays there are some women who are able to provide for their families, some even much better than other men, but culturally the husband will remain being the head of the family,” he said.
Mosielele made it clear that people should know that no one is forced to marry more than two partners.
“Polygamy ga e patelediwe, ke morero and is not for everyone. In Setswana culture when a husband intends to marry another wife there should be consultation between him and the first wife. In the past it was meant to protect children from being orphans. If their mother happened to pass away their [mother’s] sister was taken as the second wife to take care of her sisters’ children,” he said.
He revealed that since Pastor Sekati’s marriage, he has been receiving phone calls from women asking him if he could officiate their marriage with their partners whom they have been keeping their relationship a secret. Kgosi Mosielele made it clear that not every man could qualify because there has to be consent from the first wife.
He stated that the Bazezuru tribe, who have been practicing polygamy for years, are doing just fine and people could learn a lot from them. Furthermore, he added that polygamy gives peace of mind because the wives will know where their husband is if he is not home.
While polygamy and bigamy in Botswana are illegal, polygamy is still practiced with a bias against women having an equal right to a similar option as men, therefore strictly taking the form of polygyny, never polyandry. According to Wikipedia, “The current status of polygamy is difficult to determine in Botswana as, legally, only marriage between a single man and woman is permissible, though there is a notable loophole. A man can marry his first wife (or village wife) under customary law, while then marrying his second under civil law.” Furthermore, Wikipedia states: “While the practice was thought to have long disappeared from the region, it has been noted that polygamous unions are still active in Botswana, though not particularly common. It has also been reported that a high number of problems have resulted from polygamous unions in the nation, such as divorce battles, sexual abuse and a higher spread of HIV/AIDS, which is a notable problem to begin with in the country.”
As champion and advocate of legalising polygyny, Mosielele opines: “Another important factor is that all children are taken care of; not what is currently the case with some men abandoning their children and failing to support them because they were kept a secret due to the fact that their mothers were not married. A majority of women are depressed because of their husband’s infidelity, something that could be easily avoided through polygamy.”
In her new book on children raised in polyamorous (and consensual non-monogamous) families Vol.5, 2013, Dr Elizabeth ‘Eli’ Sheff, an educational consultant and expert witness, serving sexual and gender minorities with more than two decades studying ‘poly’ families, revealed that the harms against children born in such set ups include competition between mothers and siblings for the limited attention of the father. The book further states that one of the harms include diminishment of the democratic citizenship capabilities of children, as a result of being raised by mothers deprived of their basic rights. In a previous interview with American broadcaster, CBSN Originals, Sheff revealed on ‘Speaking Frankly – Non-Monogamy’ in part that “in nations where women have less control over their own lives and their bodies, consensual non-monogamy is much more likely to look like polygyny, which is one man with multiple wives, but those wives are generally not allowed to have sexual contact with anyone other than their husband.” She made comments contradictory to Mosielele’s on polygamy that complications could also be found in consensual non-monogamous relationships just as in monogamous ones, as even when it comes to conflict and other issues, they happen spectacularly with Sheff saying her daughter calls a split “divorce on steroids”. Sheff also found that in terms of her research the most common ‘poly’ family is that of a triad, one man and two women, but found that the most durable and successful triads are that of two men with one woman. “While the triad of one man with two women is kind of the hottest pornographic item, the durable family situation is one woman and two men,” she said, following her extensive research findings.