Of Emotional Abuse & Narcissistic Personality Disorder (Part III)
Gaone Monau | Monday June 21, 2021 17:09
During the discarding phase they may dump you abruptly without any explanation or simply act as if you don’t exist whilst you are labouring under the impression that your hearts are still in sync.
The narcissist would usually discard you after finding new narcissistic supply from a secret affair or a fresh harem; at times it could be because your judgment of them has become clear and you can really see them for who they truly are. In this instance the narcissist would discard you as a form of punishment for being able to see beyond their false persona. They may also discard you because they found a new target with whom they feel entirely comfortable with.
A narcissist with an immense affinity for social media is most likely to post their new love a day or a few after discarding you. When a narcissist posts their beloved on social media it is simply for show and to prove a point to the ex; their posts never flow from milk of worthy love. After the narcissist has exhausted their narcissistic supply from the new target that they flaunted on social media or to the public, they may now hoover the ex-lover they previously discarded. Hoovering is a term used to refer to when the narcissist lures their ex-lover back through lovebombing or fake apologies. When hoovering their ex-lover chances are very high that the ex-lover would melt with joy unspeakable. Research shows that most victims of narcissists’ re-unite with narcissists quite a number of times before finally calling it quits and refusing to be hoovered again. A narccisist applies the tactics of lovebombing; devaluing, discarding and hoovering with all their victims.
Narcissists also lie pathologically in order to get admiration or protect their false self. A thin line ought to be drawn between personalities that naturally exaggerate details at times and a narcissist who fabricates lies and grossly exaggerates anything and everything about their life so as to be highly esteemed by all and sundry. A narccisist is also in the habit of defaming their partner and manufacturing untruths about them upon severance of the relationship.
When a victim of narcissism finally manages to escape from the claws of a narccisist, some of the victim’s loved ones may not believe him/her when he/she narrates his/her ugly encounters with the narccisist. The loved ones would remind the victim of how gaga he/she was about the narccisist at the commencement of the romance when the victim was lovembombed. Being the skilled manipulators that they are, narcissists additionally lovebomb their casualties so that such casualties can eagerly publicise their bliss of love with the narccisist; the narccisist does this in order to have a good rapport with the loved ones of their victim.
A narccisist who has broken up with the father/mother of their kids many a time uses their kids as objects to fight their battles with the other parent.
They intentionally and perpetually bad mouth the other parent to their kids so as to win their kids’ loyalty, affection, trust and admiration – this constitutes emotional abuse of the child. Narcissists also stand a greater chance of sexually abusing their kids given that they feel dead on the inside. This ilk will fashion everything (whether good or bad) to enliven their inner dead self even if it infringes upon the freedom and rights of others.
Narccisists are also extremely sensitive to criticism and will go to unbelievable lengths to punish or reprimand anyone who criticises them even when it is warranted. This is because the narcissist’s false self wants to be worshipped and seen as flawless. Any average human being can stomach criticism whether warranted or not without seeking revenge or punishing others for expressing their views of him/her.
The journey on narcissistic personality disorder will worthily continue in the next article.
*Gaone Monau is a Practicing attorney and Motivational speaker. For bookings on gender based violence awareness seminars, motivational talks or consultations on relationships, confidence building, stress management and self-discovery contact +26774542732 or gpmonau@gmail.com. Her facebook page is Be Motivated with Gaone.
l This article was co – authored in conjunction with Tsholofelo Kgwalabatlhe, a narcissist survivor, Psychologist, Founder and Director of Explore Consults Pty Ltd- a company that offers counselling, psychotherapy, workshops, trainings and assessments. Her Facebook page is Explore Life with Tsholo. For bookings/appointments contact 73015012.