HIV and the youth
Correspondent | Thursday April 30, 2015 12:45
Dear auntie Seiketso
I am a 17 year old form 3 girl and I have a 21- year-old boyfriend whom I love very much and do not want to lose him at all. My boyfriend always wants to have sex with me without using a condom. I told him that I do not want to have unprotected sex with him but he told me that it means I do not love him. Even though I do not want to have unprotected sex, I am tempted to conform because I am scared that if I do not, he might leave me for other girls. The other day I asked him if we could go for HIV testing and he blamed me for not trusting him. I am having a dilemma, please help me auntie.
Anonymous, GC.
Dear Anonymous
It is a commendable thing you have resisted having unprotected sex with your boyfriend so far. You raised two concerns in your letter, the fear of losing your boyfriend and the fear of possibly contracting HIV. You also stated that you are tempted to conform to your boyfriend’s sexual demands in order to secure the relationship you have with him. This clearly implies that the fear of losing your boyfriend is greater than the fear of contracting HIV. With so much HIV/AIDS education in our communities, both of you definitely know that having unprotected sex puts both of you under the risk of contracting the virus. Your boyfriend could be having two motives; to spread HIV deliberately in order to deal with some hidden anger, or to deliberately make you pregnant so that he can control you more. Below are the facts you need to know about your dilemma:
If you say yes to sex at the age of 17, it means you will be acting unlawfully because sex under the age of 18 is prohibited in Botswana.
If you say yes to unprotected sex, you are automatically saying;
I love you so much that I am prepared to live with any sexually transmitted infection you are highly likely to infect me with, including HIV (please note that I am deliberately using the phrase highly likely because it appears that your boyfriend does not believe in safe sex)
I love you so much that I will allow you to continue using emotional blackmail to control me
I love you so much that I am prepared to put up with your behaviour when you start abusing me once you discover that I am pregnant with your baby
I love you so much that I will not be bothered when I discover that I have contracted HIV and/or other sexually transmitted diseases from you
Please note that I am using the word when rather than if because a person who deliberately puts you under pressure to act in a way that is not in your best interest will certainly disappoint you once you give in to his or her demands.
I love you so much that I am prepared to put my career on hold for you when I fall pregnant and drop out of school
I love you so much that I am prepared to would rather suffer the emotional and physical stress due having unprotected sex with you rather lose you now
I love you so much that I would rather bring more financial burden of unplanned pregnancy and illnesses to my parents due to unprotected sex than lose you now
I love you so much that I feel you are worthy and I am not
I love you so much that I would rather lose you later from the possible death of backyard abortion rather than now Do you still strongly feel like having unprotected sex with him? If your answer is no, you need to take a bold step and lose that relationship now rather than later. If your answer is yes, you certainly need to go for counseling. You could be having some serious self-esteem issues or depression. victoriaseiketsosethibe@gmail.com