Chicken Franchise!

Barolong Seboni | Friday March 13, 2015 17:49

” He figures that he will count his losses and slaughter whatever is left in the kraal and sell them to the local butchery. Another FAP project gone down the drain due to poor management. “To think that I had gone in with an expatriate expert!” mutters Tshini.

But Chicken himself, the so-called expatriate expert on small-stock, due mainly to his experience as a “killer” on a Chicken farm, has far from given up on government-funded projects. Infact his latest scheme is to apply for tourism funds. He is busy at this precise moment persuading Smooch to help put together a proposal for the tourism venture that he has just hatched.

“Look mchana, this thing is very easy. We don`t even have to do a possibility study because I`ve studied all the possibilities about this project,” enthuses Chicken, getting even more excited by the possibilities of the impossible.

“Now, what on earth is a possibility study?” enquires Nikita, who thought he had studied all things possible.

“He obviously means a feasibility study,” says Smooch looking at Chicken rather patronisingly.

“Yes, that`s exactly what I mean. You have really caught my vibe; I think ons operate on the same wavelength nna le wena, brazana.  That`s why I think you must help me on this one. We just need to iron out one or two issues, then we`re off! No one can touch us after that, af hou se ek?”

“Well, I don’t know man, Chicken. It really depends what the project is about,” says Smooch rather reluctantly.

“But I told you. Ek het jou vertel gore it’s about tourism and so on and so on!”

“Ya, it`s the so on and so on that I`m still hazy about!”

“Ausi Maggie, please give us some more drinks so that this haziness may go away. Monna, Smooch, this thing is straight. It doesn’t need a ruler. We want to apply for fund ya Tourism. We want to set up some classy rooms…. What you call…er… chalets where people can come and drink and relax and go home, or if they don’t want to go home they can sleep and have breakfast in the morning. If they want, kapa they don’t want. But there will be a choice, we will provide everything; booze, di-gong, women, the works!”

“What? You mean brothels and shebeens?! You`re not serious, you can`t be serious! No government agency is going to give you money to set up brothels and shebeens, no matter how desperate they are to win elections!” Shouts Smooch in utter disbelief.

“Those particular words did not escape from my mouth!” answers Chicken very smoothly, “ Besides, kante wena you`re going to tell them gore you want to set up a shebeen or brothel. Hakare in the proposal we just write chalet or lodge or whatever, and then nna le wena we know what is what and who is who! Af hou se ek, kapa jwang?”

“Hee monna, I`m not too sure about this whole thing,” says Smooch shaking his head slowly.

“O itse keng, your problem wena is those Chinese of yours. They are progressing but wena you refuse to progress. In China there`s lots of tourism my broer, lots of it. People just go there to be caught in a sea of bicycles and to see a big wall and eat rice. Nou, wena you don’t want to cater for tourism in your own country.  You must give the people what they want, man! Kante wena you think we went to Swaziland in the 70`s to hunt elephants! There was gambling my friend, and all night discos and all-day breakfast.”

“The other problem is that we will be competing with veteran tavern-owners like Maggie here. Have you thought of that, Chicken?”

“Oh, me? Ah… don’t worry yourself about me you boys. I like competition, it`s healthy for business. There`s nothing better than stiff competition in business, and in your case the word stiff has never been associated with any of you boys!” says Ausi Maggie with tongue firmly in check. After all the laughter had died down, Chicken got up quickly and went towards Maggie, hugged her and said; “ Well rra, if you don’t want to go into a joint adventure with me on this one, will be forced to buy a franchise from Ausi Maggie here!”

“That`s fine,” says Ausi Maggie pushing him gently away, “but first you must settle your account, which stands at One hundred nine Botswana Pula and five thebe, only. Then and only then, can we start on the big matter of the franchise fee! Kapa jwang…?”