Pay or die

Barolong Seboni | Sunday December 14, 2014 13:05

The mystery is slowly being unraveled as I am talking to you right now. The busy-ness and the helter skelter is apparently due to the fact that Ausi Maggie, the sole proprietor and chief executive hostess of the establishment, has pressed the panic button. She has given everyone forty-eight hours to settle their bills, and time is running out! In fact, it is forty-eight hours from yesterday, so we are talking effectively twenty-four hours.

The fellows have realised all of a sudden that twenty-four hours is not a long time after all. Especially those who only have money at month end. This ultimatum has made them realise how things can suddenly change from wet to dry.

From the warmth of whiskey vodka to the coldness of ice! You know Ausi Maggie, mos. When she says she wants her money, she really means she wants her money.

And what is the reason for all this pressure? She has it from very reliable sources that the world as we know it today is about to come to come to an abrupt end.

Ausi Maggie is a successful business woman because she has only one principle that drives her, which is that all debts must be paid when they are due. This famous principle has been simplified to “all debts before death”. She has been so successful in the pursuit of this principle that there is hardly anybody we know who has escaped into the everlasting world of drinkability in that big watering hole in the sky, before they paid their accounts at the Nitty Gritty. Everybody believes that if you were to die before you paid her, your road to heaven would be hell! They truly believe that Ausi Maggie would haunt you to hell and thereafter!

“It’s true, ek se. If she can haunt you here on earth while you are live, what more when you are dead,” they say.

Then someone with haunting voice from hell interjects; “Some of you are usually dead-alive or dead drunk anywhere, so it’s the same difference!”

Meanwhile, Walkie is adamant that the world cannot end because hers has just begun. “That would not fair at all. Why does war have to spoil my new-found love? Maybe it is a sign, an ominous sign about where your love is going and how it will all end!” says Tshini.

“I don’t know about that, all I know is that the goddess of love is more patient and more tolerant, and therefore stronger than the god of war!”

“Talking about the god of war, I hear that Nikita has dug a big trench at the back of his yard and has fenced it in with bags of sand. That guy knows how to prepare for eventualities,” Tshini says.

“Well, he can dig as deep as he wants but he is not going anywhere before he pays his drinking accounts with me!” shouts Ausi Maggie for all the world to hear.

As if on cue, Nikita steps into the lounge coolly and orders his vodka on ice. Nobody seems to pay any attention because everyone is busy trying to borrow money from everyone else to either clear their accounts or buy the next drink.

“Heelang! What’s wrong with you fellows? You are all behaving as if it’s the end of the world!”

“The world will not end until you have paid me buti. Fork out and cough up!”