Between disillusionment, heartbreak and abuse

Nnasaretha Kgamanyane | Friday December 5, 2014 13:27

Looking at her, Lebogang* (not her real name) is a very beautiful woman who any man would like to marry.  She is the real ‘marriage material’.  She is also the kind of woman other women admire.

“I fell in love with Thabo* when I was 19-years-old. We met on a bus from my home village at Masunga.  It was going to Gaborone from Francistown. He looked handsome and innocent. As he sat next to me, my heart started beating fast. It was love at first sight. As you know, riding a bus from Francistown is a very long journey and we started chatting and he said everything right. I was spellbound by his charms and fell for him.  Upon arrival, we exchanged numbers,” she said with a smile as if her memories were taking her back to that moment.

She said Thabo started calling her everyday and he was sweet. She added that by then, she could not wait for him to tell her the magical words ‘I love you’, and when he finally did she was very excited.

“He told me that he wanted to take things slow. He admitted that he loved me the first moment he laid eyes on me but decided to take things slow, as he did not want to scare me away. I fell for him even more. I was lucky to find such a gentleman,” she added.

Lebogang, who was at the time a student at the University of Botswana (UB), said that her boyfriend was a jolly person and a loving partner. She said they enjoyed their first three years without any problems but things turned sour after he asked her to move in with him.

“I agreed to move in with Thabo after we were engaged and were expecting our first child. At first he seemed excited about the whole thing; at least that was what I thought. He started coming home late at night, most of the time drunk and when I asked him where he came from he would beat me up. He even told me that the reason I was big (fat) was because I wasted his food and after he bought it.  I could not take his abuse, as he would at times insult me. Ke ne ke tsaya gore gongwe oa nkidisiwa o tlaa siama fa ngwana a sena go belegwa,” she said.

She said she went to her home village to have their baby. She added that she felt at peace once she was at her parents’ house. Even though she vowed to never return to Thabo’s house, she was forced to go back to him as she had to complete her forth year of school.

Lebogang said her mother also told her to take the baby with her, as she was old and sick. She said when they arrived at his house; they found that Thabo’s behaviour was worse. He drank too much and would sometimes bring his girlfriends to the house and made her cook for them, she added.

“Whenever I tried to refuse, I would get a beating so I obeyed every command he made.  Earlier, when he started playing jealous, my friends warned me of his behaviour and told me to break up with him before things got worse, but I thought they were jealous.  Thabo is the kind of man who would abuse you both emotionally and physically and then when you are just about to leave him, he would be that guy whom I fell in love with. Whenever I tried to walk away, he would be sweet and I would feel guilty and stay,” Lebogang added. She said that after Thabo lost his job he started beating her in front of their child. After she found a job, things got worse as he would check on her at her work place without consulting her. She said whenever he saw her with her male colleagues he would beat her, accusing her of cheating on him.

“I could not tell anyone about him because I was very ashamed.  When I had bruises I would lie that I fell down or I had been knocked by a window or make any accuse- even a lame one- as long as people would get off my back,” she said.

Lebogang finally broke off her seven-year relationship with Thabo after her friend found her unconscious, bleeding on the floor after he severely assaulted her. She said her loving friend whose name is withheld by the paper took her in and took her for counselling.

She added that even though at first she was reluctant to speak out, she finally opened up and told other people including her family and friends about the pain that she had been through.“Surprisingly everyone was supportive.  My mum cried when she heard about Thabo’s abuse telling me that I could have told her. I feel much better that he is no longer part of my life.  I am now dating after being reluctant to do so because every time a man tried to become close to me I would either push him away or ignore him,” she said.