Down with the boycott!
Barolong Seboni | Friday November 21, 2014 12:59
While Maggie is in the kitchen preparing the eatables that help the drinkables go down with relish, the fellows can be heard planning and conniving against her. There is a general rumble that’s louder than the empty stomachs that are presently waiting to be filled with memento dintshu and dibete.
“We must take action,” grumbles one fellow who will not raise his voice beyond a loud whisper in anticipation of the goodies that have already announced their readings by way of aroma ensuring from the kitchen.
“We have to show Ausi Maggie that she’s being grossly unfair. We cannot carry on like this – giving all our money to her every month! Some of us have families to feed!”
“That’s right; some of us have honeys to entertain!”
“And cars to service!”
“And Petrol to fill up!”
“What about gas for cooking?”
“And fares for di-combi!”
“Electricity, Water, Airtime, Groceries!”
“Madi a lunch, le fat cakes at 10 a.m.!”
“Kante rent yone? What about the monthly rental ya BHC?”
“Nyaa eo re tla e bona. Some of you are still in arrears!”
“Naare motho yoo wa lona yoo, doesn’t she know gore this is not the only drinking place in the city?
“Doesn’t she realise that she has competition from river walk and game city. Infact there are so many bars and pubs in town that we should just show her gore we have choices. That’s what I say!”
“ya waitse you are right, Maggie thinks this Nitty Gritty is the best thing in the whole world. She thinks we can’t do without her and her establishment.”
“What cheek?”
“What arrogance and conceit!”
“We have to really show her what we are made of!”
“We have to demonstrate gore le rona re bafana, gentlemense!”
“Ehe! That’s it, let’s demonstrate!”
“Heye, go reng? Gore le rona re bafana gentlemense?”
“No man! Let’s demonstrate, as in stage a demonstration to register our displeasure!”
“Oh ok, o raya like bana ba UB and the workers’ unions!”
“Ao borra, isn’t that rather drastic? Demonstrating against a shebeen, how are you even going to start?” enquires Walkie with obvious sarcasm in her tone.
“Hei, Hei! Just take it easy wena. I knew you were going to try to defend their right from the beginning!” says Smooch with displeasure
“Kante wena o eng? What are you exactly, always standing up for Maggie?”
“She must be a woman shield!’
“You talk as if I’m a contraceptive! Nxaa!” retorts Walkie
“I think the best thing is to do both. We must demonstrate outside the shebeen and also boycott all Nitty Gritty products!”
As the fellows agree one and all to boycott and demonstrate, Ausi Maggie waltzes in with a tray full of the eatables that clear the way for drinkables by leaving the pallets and the tongue itching with extra chillies and salt, ready to be quenched by a gulp of cold, crisp beer.
“What’s that about demonstrating and boycotts?” asks Ausi Maggie as she spins the tray above their heads like she always does when she knows the fellows are ready to set upon it like hounds on a juicy bone.
As the tray turns and spins above their heads, the fellows’ tongues can be seen hanging and drooling. By some magic one of them manages to pull back his tongue into the mouth long enough to say, “Oh, we were planning how we are going to demonstrate our support for the poor, ordinary people of Iraq who are the real casualties in this war that has been visited upon them!”
Someone else takes the cue and adds: “In fact, we have decided to demonstrate our support for them by boycotting all American products!”
“Is that so? How admirable!” says Maggie genuinely impressed.
“Yes, in fact Walkie here, God bless her, has volunteered to go there as a human shield in Iraq as we continue the boycott of US products at home!”
“Well, I must say I am very impressed with all of you.
It is really an honour for me to know that my partners are so caring and concerned about others less well off than they are. I will just have to take these chicken pieces back to the kitchen and donate them to SOS Children’s village! It was meant to be a treat for all of you since you cleared your accounts!”
“Oh, Maggie,” says Mr Kool in his most charming voice, “You don’t have to do all that, we can still eat the chicken even if it isn’t halaal! We ain’t fussy about all that halaal business!”
“Halaal is not the issue at all, the problem is that I bought two barrels of Kentucky Fried Chicken and four litres of coke, so since you’re boycotting American things……!”
“Oh, Maggie! Boycotting is such a strong word…”