The commandments for new MPs
Barolong Seboni | Friday November 7, 2014 14:49
“Yeah, man! All this bloody noise of battery-powered speakers blaring the whole night. It’s all a lot of empty noise ‘cause you can’t hear what the dude is saying, ‘cause there’s another dude around the corner hollering at the top of his voice like a bull at the slaughter-house!” agrees Mr Kool.
“No, no! I beg to disagree gentleboys. That cannot be democracy and freedom of speech if it encroaches on your own freedom and right to sleep, or do whatever it is you want to do at that hour,” enters Nikita, positioning himself strategically at the head of the oblong table.
“Hee banna! you mean our rights have been trampled upon? We have to do something pretty fast,” conjectures Mr Kool.
“You have done something. You have elected them into council and into parliament. Now you can’t touch them, they are immune to anything you might accuse them of.”
“Anyway, the important thing is that elections are over for the next five years. No more noises at night!”
“Yep, no more traffic jams, motorcades and long convoys that go round and round!”
“No more standing in long queues under the blazing sun waiting for the cross!”
“No more promises, promises, promises which are made to be broken.”
“No spoilt ballots!”
“No petitions to the High court and accusations!”
“And counter accusations.”
“No counting and discounting.”
“No anonymous contributions!”
“No more helicopters!”
“No army wolf planes in civilian sheep skins
“Borra, gentlemen! I hate to spoil your pontifications on politics of elections, but all that is over now. What are you expecting your MPs to do now that you have elected them?” enquires Ausi Maggie from the kitchen of the Nitty Gritty, where she has been following the deliberations.
Prompted by this seemingly innocent inquiry, the fellows of the Order of the Nitty Gritty, at least those present and drinking, took it as their appointed duty as voters and drinkers in this our eleventh democracy under our fourth president, to draw up the following guidelines, with apologies to the Prophet Moses.
We are the electorate. Thou shalt have none other besides us, whether transported from other constituencies on Election Day or not.
Remember the National Assembly and Election Day; keep them holy.
Thou shalt not spend more than 15 minutes in the Parliamentary water hole.
Thou shalt not steal votes, ballots and other politician’s ideas.
Thou shalt not tell a lie, whether it’s about cattle, or lung diseases, or what you plan to do for your electorate.
Obey your party leader, most of all obey your conscience and your days in parliament shall be longer.
Thou shall not commit adultery. In other words, keep one party.
Thou shall not cross anything, especially the floor. Some floors are slippery and you may fall and break your political neck.
Thou shalt respect all parliamentary colleagues, including those who have been specially elected. These are the chosen ones.
Thou shalt declare all assets in the register. Give Caesar what belong to Caesar for God’s sake!
Thou shalt not vote by show of hands, a show of muscles or any other show, whether private or public.
Thou shalt not traffic anything in the house unless you have a license, this includes but is not limited to votes.
The rules and standing orders of this National Assembly allow you to THINK in any other language you want ,especially if it’s your mother tongue… but you dare SPEAK it.
Thou shalt not be intimidated by anything except the fear of losing the next election.
Respect the standing orders and keep them out of the courts. What happens in Parliament, stays in Parliament!
Love thine party as thy self.
Love the opposition for tomorrow you will be in his or her shoes.