The difference between you and the one you envy

George Chingarande | Monday October 27, 2014 17:12

Is it Mandela, Thatcher, Oprah, Bill Gates, the Queen, Einstein or some other iconic figure? Have you ever looked at someone- at the opportunities he or she seems to have, at the blessings that seems to literally stalk him or her, at his or her affluence or influence and wished you had half what that person has?

These are very personal questions indeed. In this issue allow me to be a little impudent, and ask you to take a few minutes to ruminate over these questions. And even more, to pause and answer the question-who do I really envy in this life?

Privately or publicly, there is somoene  whom each one of us envies, or to use a more politically correct terminology, admires.

Envy is defined as a feeling of discontented or resentful longing aroused by someone else’s possessions, qualities, or luck. Put simply, to envy is to desire a quality, possession, or other desirable attributes belonging to another. What is wrong with envy is not the longing for what some else has, but the feeling of resentment that accompanies it.

Lets be bland about this: It is a fact that out there, there are some people who have some desirable possession or attributes that we wish we could have but do not have. We look at them and regard them or regard their qualities or possessions with respect, warm approval and admiration.

What is the difference between you and the person you envy or admire? It is easy to point at things or qualities and say, “she or he has this or that which I do not have”. That may be true, but it is not the whole truth. The real difference between you and that person you envy is in what you settled for. The people who have more in this life have settled for more.

The people who have less have similarly settled for less. More of what? Or less of what? Before we answer this question, it is important for us to point out and underline a very important fact. The problem is not with the one you envy or admire. It is not even with the unfair or unjust systems that seem tie you down. The problem lies squarely with you. It is you who has chosen to settle for less when others are settling for more.

Every day we are presented with a choice between assuming a more ambitious approach or a less ambitious one.

If you chose the path of less ambition, sooner rather than later you will find yourself admiring those that chose more ambition.

In this universe ambition pursued justly and honorably tends to breed honorable and favorable outcomes. You were born and you live for a purpose. Broadly, that purpose is to grow and become a mountain in your chosen pursuit. Now, you can choose the path of growth; and growth involves pushing like a tender seedling out of the dry ground and reaching out for more, or you can also choose to shrink and shrink until you are smaller than a grain of sand.

 If you choose the path of growth, sooner rather than later you will be that person who people envy and admire, but if you choose to shrink like a withered flower you will forever be envying others and wishing you had what they have.

The other major difference between you and the person you envy is that the person you envy chooses to settle for far more strategic behavior. If you settle for less thinking, less planning and less actions you will have less in life. Carefully thought out plans coupled by a steady stream of massive actions will catapult you well beyond your current shores. Although that is better said than done there is, however, a strategy which author Brian Tracy proposes.

In summary the strategy works like this. First, write down your big dream. If you cannot write it down on paper you probably do not have a clear idea of where you want to go. Secondly, break it down into its constituent parts by listing down all the things required to make it happen.

Third, chunk each of these parts down by identifying and listing down what needs to be done to make each of these parts successful.

Fourth, take action every day, at least one action. By a mile, the journey seems like an insurmountable drudgery but a cinch the burden seems lighter. Once you get started do not stop. Learn as you go and let the momentum from small achievements propel you forward.

 The other thing you need is a huge dose of enthusiasm. Never settle for less enthusiasm. As Og Mandino correctly said, “every memorable act in the history of the world is the triumph of enthusiasm. Nothing great was ever achieved without it because it gives any challenge or any action a new meaning, no matter how frightening or difficult. Without enthusiasm you are doomed to a life of mediocrity but with it you can accomplish miracles.”

So what is the difference between you and the person you envy? The answer is simple: It is that you have choosen to settle for less.  Never settle for less again. No one is holding you back but you.