Managing anger-from a counselling perspective
| Wednesday October 15, 2014 16:10
Modiaotsile comes to work one day and meets a stranger in the stairway leading to his floor reception. On arrival at the reception the stranger greets Modisaotsile and introduces himself as Martin, the new head of department for that floor. Instead of welcoming Martin, Modisaotsile storms out of the reception and goes to another office to tell his colleagues how angry he is at his employer for not appointing him for the head of department post he has been acting for the whole year. Without thinking about the consequences, he starts lobbying for support from his long acquainted colleagues to sabotage the new head of department. (N.B both the names and the story line are fictitious)
Modisaotsile’s anger is fuelled by his perception that he is missing out on a fair deal. Anger often affects the way we behave. In this case, Modisaotsile’s anger has resulted in him acting on impulse to lobby for passive aggression, a behaviour that he will most likely regret later.
Effects of anger
A short period of anger is not usually a problem for as long as it does not cause us to behave in an aggressive or self-defeating way. In fact, there was nothing wrong with Modisaotsile initially feeling angry at his perception of unfair treatment, but it is his behaviour that has the potential of putting his career on a downward spiral.
Anger can be beneficial when it gives us the energy and motivation to confront someone. Anger can also give us power when we get mad and be pretty scary. Most people hate being on the receiving end of someone else’s wrath and will go out of their way to avoid it, but this is only a short term benefit. Quite often, angry people lose their ability or power to think clearly and rationally, hence attention on important values is stolen by perceived injustices. Anger is one of the most physically arousing emotions. If we are experiencing only a brief episode of anger, our level of arousal returns to normal within a short period of time. However, persistent anger keeps us in a chronic state of tension which can arouse headaches, backaches, hypertension and heart disease.
Persistent or frequent episodes of anger can put us in a state of paralysis. On the other hand, suppressed anger is also fatal as it can lead to seething resentment which is often displayed through passive-aggressive behaviours like subtle non-conformity to rules, negative comments or attempt to undermine the other person. Modisaotsile came across as someone who did not have the courage to talk to his employers about his concerns. As a result, he developed resentment towards an innocent new employee and was planning to show that by encouraging the people who were once his subordinates to go on a silent strike.
It is therefore important to note that anger, like all the other negative feelings, is a good indicator that there is a need that has not been met. If anger becomes persistent, the affected person certainly needs to go for counselling.
What is counselling?
Counselling has been variously defined and many of the definitions are aligned to particular theories of counselling, culture, certain historical periods in the development of the counselling profession. Hansen, Stevic and Warner (1986) regarded counselling as helping individuals learn new ways of adjusting to themselves, significant others in their lives and the cultural environment in which they find themselves.
Counselling is basically non-judgmental and confidential talk therapy.
Is counselling really necessary?
Surprisingly, there are still some people in our society who perceive counselling as a “don’t worry, this too shall pass” kind of talk. This is not to suggest that there is anything wrong in saying that to a family member or a friend, in fact, we each need that kind of assurance sometimes. However, professional counselling is a lot deeper than just wishing for issues to die naturally. Since anger often disables us to move on and make functional or responsible adjustments in our lives, counselling is meant to facilitate us to do something positive to solve a problem. People go for counselling primarily because they want to be heard and understood without being judged, and get reassurance that somebody will keep their secrets safely.
The reason why Modisaotsile decided to opt for passive-aggressive behaviours or silent strike is that he probably did not feel safe to express his dissatisfaction to his employers. What he failed to see was that passive aggression was not going to make things any better; it could only make his career progression go down. If he had gone for professional counselling, he was going to save himself any physical ailments that would come as a result of stress that came with professional in fights. Counselling was also going to help Modisaotsile to adjust into any new changes at work and walk towards the light at the end of the channel.
VICTORIA SEIKETSO SETHIBE *
* Sethibe is a practicing teacher