When are public displays of affection acceptable or inappropriate?
Keletso Thobega | Tuesday October 7, 2014 11:13
This shameless show of affection brought to mind one incident some two years ago, when Winnie Madikizela Mandela publicly kissed Julius Malema. At the time, the young man was still facing trials and tribulations within the ANC. Madikizela had come out in support of Juju, and perhaps to seal her stance, she gave him a juicy kiss with her quivering lips. It could have been just a peck, but it bordered on a French kiss –tilted heads, tongue showing, parted lips and all. Interestingly, Malema’s eyes were closed! Madikizela isn’t only a political stalwart, but a gorgeous woman too. If you have seen her in person, you would agree that she’s a towering figure of caramel skin. She’s also bewitchingly beautiful for a woman in her 70s, and has a magnetic appeal and charisma. In that moment, Malema probably wished he had been Dali Mpofu in his younger years. I suspect he spent many nights re-playing that kiss in his head!
I have found South Africans to be quite affectionate. My South African relatives habitually kiss on the lips in greeting. When I was a child, I didn’t mind, but as an adult, it sometimes unsettles me. Maybe the post-puberty sexual tigress within has corrupted my thoughts. It always feels like some form of lesbianism when females kiss me on the lips. With males, it’s like partaking in an incestuous act. I feel bad for being uncomfortable because the affection is always from a genuine place of love and happiness with no sinister intention…
But then again, I have always been a bit uppity over PDA (public displays of affection). Perhaps it has to do with my conservative upbringing. While there is an exception with close family, friends and lovers, I’m generally not a touchy person. Apart from the fact that I’m shy, acts of affection with random people unnerve me, especially when they become too intimate. It’s bad enough that we are expected to clasp people’s hands when we greet them. Some of them, you might discover, never use sanitisers, and don’t wash their hands when they leave the bathroom.
I’m reminded of those strange perverted men who in greeting, scratch your palm with a smirk on their face and proceed to hug you so closely as if their life depends on it. Motho wa teng o tla bo go ngaperetse,a gagametse, a tsetswe matlho, ebile a hemela ko godimo ekare tlhware. It’s quite awkward. Imagine innocently hugging someone and they grasp you so close that your crotches suddenly touch and you even feel a protruding bulge!
Public displays of affection are more tolerable if it’s a mutual act, but even then, where do we draw the line between acceptable and inappropriate? Botswana is a largely traditional conservative society. Although the younger generations are more open to PDA, than elders, it still raises eyebrows. Even married couples are not expected to get affectionate and intimate in front of other people but rather do it behind closed doors. Yet, in our communities, I have sometimes observed PDA, from the subtle to the overtly shocking, whether it’s long intimate hugs, sloppy kisses or touching, especially among people who think they are hiding, but hey, how do you “hide” in a public space?
Most people are divided over overt public displays of affection. The conservative folk often perceive it as indecent and inappropriate. For one, physical interactions are expected to be rigidly polite with no sense of vulgarity or sexual insinuation. On the other hand, the liberal have no qualms with public displays of affection whether it’s intimate hugs, sensual touching or butt slapping, and probably wouldn’t be shocked by public petting and tongue kissing between lovers.
In general, a light touch, quick hug or peck kiss is usually acceptable public display of affection, right? But when it becomes more intimate, as in the people hold on too long, there’s touching, groping or caressing, especially between lovers, you can’t help but think, ‘Jeez, get a room, already, will ya!’