Mind your manners, please!

Nnasaretha Kgamanyane | Friday September 19, 2014 15:48

 

The question one has to ask is how would those next to that person feel?

The very little things that we do, thinking they are harmless, are the very things that are offensive to the next person.

Many people, whether aware or not, have a tendency of indulging in unacceptable behaviour such as poking their nose, coughing without covering their mouth, whispering while others are attentively listening to a speaker or others.

Unacceptable behaviour is likely to make the next person uncomfortable, which breaches the law of etiquette.

Etiquette is the customary code of polite behaviour in society or among members of a particular profession or group.

Looking at incidents where people tend to annoy others, I have realised that there is a great need of etiquette training in Botswana as many are not fully aware of the rules.

 One of the people who exercise good manners is part time trainer on Protocol Practices and Etiquette, Kago Thapa, who believes that one has to practice what they preach.

While visiting his office, Thapa welcomed me and offered me a seat before we could proceed with the interview.

He also offered a piece of paper he had scribbled some information on with note on what he teaches as etiquette. He started off by apologising for having not informed the receptionist about our appointment and for having not picked me up from the reception area to his office.

Whenever an important call came through, he would apologise and ask if he could take the call.  Due to his good conduct I would agree and everything ran smoothly

Thapa said during the interview that etiquette was the appropriateness of other people.

“You may wish to view it as dignified propriety of conduct, manners or appearance. In a more simple and practical explanation, it is deliberate avoidance of infringing on the space and comfort of the next person,” Thapa said.

He said that in Botswana cultures, much as they vary from tribe to tribe, the underlying factors are common. He said botho is the cornerstone of etiquette.

He said that respect as a key element of botho brings about a series of the dos and don’ts of courteous behaviour.  All the dos naturally become a collection of etiquette.

“In our culture, it is expected that a visitor is given a position of honour.  When dinning, a visitor’s hands would be washed first and should be given food before anyone else as a sign of honour and respect being carefully observed,” Thapa added.

That is traditional dining etiquette comparable to modern dining etiquette where the host knows how to pass certain privileges and courtesies to the guest such as the guest having the honour to be ushered into their seat and to select a dining wine, as well as being served first, he added.

He also pointed out that feeding in a public area is a big no-no.

He said there are different ways of eating and that some people do it carelessly whereby it is not a good idea for them to have food in public.

He gave an example of a person eating a mango fruit only for its juice to be seen dripping down their elbow.

Table etiquette is also important. Thapa pointed out that if one does not know how to use a fork and knife, more especially when eating a piece of chicken, it is advisable to wash their hands and use them rather than struggle with cutting a piece of meat while disturbing those who are sharing the table with you.

He continued giving examples of wanting to excuse oneself from the table to go to the bathroom. He said when a person excuses himself they must do so, but does not have to tell anyone where they are going. He also added that it was important for a person to know how to use the spoon, fork, plate and other utensils at the table, as failure to so may be provocative to others.  This is especially so when one is dinning with people of a different race, tribe or culture.

“In any situation all the negativities or any unpleasant behaviour turn into annoyance for the next person. In any situation all the negatives or any unpleasant behaviour is perceived as total breach of the unwritten rules of etiquette. For example being loud at the dinner table, picking your nose at the dinner table or even in public using your fingers,” he said.

He pointed out that some of the societal norms teach that certain things are disrespectful, which naturally translate to annoying for the next person.

Thapa also emphasised that image is also a key make or break point in matters of etiquette.

He said appearance of an individual has to be inviting, earn respect and envy. 

He, however, said anything on the contrary can make people uncomfortable like a filthy dress code, skimpy wear or being overly dressed.  A guest in a white dress at someone’s wedding or looking casual at a formal event is just as good as breaking the rules, he said.

Women, he pointed out, mostly breach the dress etiquette rule.  Traditionally, a woman who wears a very short dress sends wrong signals, more especially to the male counterparts.  It is advisable for a person to wear clothes that one feels comfortable in.

 Some women wear their skimpy clothes, but attract attention by occasionally pulling it down proving to their audience that they are really uncomfortable.

In addition, he said men also have their own weak points when it comes to clothing.  He said that a man could wear a suit with shoes and socks that do not complement the attire or socks that do not match.  He said it is important for a man to wear socks that match his suit and shoes that complement his belt.

In most instances, men do not know which shoes to wear with what kind of clothing.  For example, wearing a suit with sneakers is a definite no.

The way we do things, either by eating, talking, dressing or behaving paints the picture of who we are to the person observing, he said.

Etiquette does not only affect where one is but it is also important to learn and know other cultures from different countries despite colour, race and religion since we live in a global village.

According to Thapa, it is important for people to learn the traditions and practices of other cultures more especially when visiting other countries to avoid communication breakdowns.

He said that most of the sign language we use portrays different messages to the recipients.

There is a lot to be learnt concerning etiquette, he added.

Thapa said that even though etiquette laws are not written they are part of our everyday lives and that we practice most of them daily.

He said that to keep peace and harmony people must learn how to live together without provoking or invading others’ private space.