I want a new country to love
Mpho Tlale | Friday September 19, 2014 15:41
My love for Botswana is now akin to a ticking time bomb, ready to explode in my face. Every day I am reminded that my country has changed and it’s not the same as it was a few years ago. I don’t mind change, as long as it’s for the best and I stand to benefit from it.
However, looking at the way everything seems to be changing on a daily basis and causing me alot of confusion is a cue that I need a breather. By virtue of being born and bred here, I think its time that I explore and venture elsewhere to take a break.
Even if it were for a year or so, the difference would be massive and appreciated.
The relationship I have with my country has reached that toxic level where breathing has become a chore. A person on life support might actually be better. There is simply no chemistry between us. All love is lost. Trust me on that one.
Botswana, to me, has become like that boyfriend whom I loved so much but didn’t love me in return and had actually reached a point of no return with the love once shared ultimately lost.
You see, my country has now become more like that first lover of mine who broke my heart over and over, but I stuck around because I had never known anyone besides him.
I kept on hoping for the best even when the signs that it was time to leave were too obvious.
Botswana reminds me of the one who bought me flowers when it all began, left me a few love notes under my pillow and cooked dinner for me only to stop abruptly: No warnings or signs that the relationship was going under were given.
Just a total unexpected blackness-something similar to the stunts that the Botswana Power Corporation is famous for pulling on us while we bask and enjoy a dose of our favourite daily soapies. The feeling pretty much sucks and is a major drag.
I guess I am tired of always being told the system is down 90 percent of the time I have to get something done. I have also had it up to beyond my chest begging for service from a lady who chews gum like the world is coming to an end. Need I mention the fact that these days I have to look around before I raise any topic of concern about anything that concerns the country? I could actually go on and on about all that’s pushing me away from my beloved country and just alienating me. In fact, I feel like a guest in my own country.
I am taken back to Yvonne Chaka Chaka’s MamaLand where she sang:
“Who is that man? Telling me go. From my land. My MamaLand. This is my home where I belong. My roots are here…”
In my case I am pushed by situations though.
Anyway I still wonder where it all went wrong, but I think I have an idea. It all probably crumbled when we took our docility as a nation to another level. It’s ok to be docile, but most of the time it doesn’t work out too well.
It is now becoming obvious. Everyday I am learning that for things to go my way I have to speak up and make known my expectations. I am also entertaining the fact that I have to receive and question at the same time. If I do not question, who will come and do it for me?
At the end of the day I know Botswana is deeply engrossed in my DNA. Even on my quest to find a new lover I will always have Botswana in my mind. It doesn’t matter that I am looking for a new country to love. Ours is a love-hate relationship, but because of the woven DNA and my sense of being, I guess the love will always be there. I am so hung up on Bots that I suspect my new love will be made jealous by the level of my emotional attachment to Botswana.
At the end of it all, I am a Motswana- born and bred. It’s a tie that cannot be broken when the sun comes up or when it goes down but it’s one I could definitely take a break from. I fear the unknown though. The first question I ask myself is whether the country that I am in search of will be good to me in the way Botswana has been over the years? But how will I know if I do not try to satisfy my quest of finding a new country to love?